Mark Is Musing

MIDDLE OF NIGHT - Monday May 31, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 3C/37F, quiet – commuters/kids gone off, crews yet to arrive, most peaceful portion of day - heavily overcast again/still, drizzle done; bird chorus, happily flitting random-fast, notwithstanding their clear lagoon is run-off clay brown clouded.

 

Yesterday’s brief moments – sunny splashes through thin cloud-slits were spectacular metaphor; the worst, even if today feels like the worst, will – tomorrow – be behind me.

 

Great short story idea – came to me, middle of dream/sleep night, faded in/out; I didn’t write it down - I would remember! I woke, frustrated I only have threads of it, rest evaporated (note to self: put pad and pen on the nightstand) . . .

 

Imagination can be truth, can’t it?  Truth is a single word.   But telling it requires so many words, and threads.

 

Truth’s simple, yet endlessly complicated - blocks actions, stupefies strangers who don’t trust my truth. It stares at me, daily; like financial statements.  Mostly, like a balance sheet snapshot, this moment in time as opposed to an accumulation of activity, losses and profits … it reflects earnings we’ve retained – sitting on my balance sheet of life, icons of who I am, what I am about, what I stand for and, as importantly, what I won’t stand for.

 

Some folks I meet hyperbolize - their moral compass in hand, in order, their ready answers to each question. I hate that brand of pompous and arrogant. I prefer mine.

 

But, I am coming to believe there is much more I need, more than having a destination in mind - journey planned; there is more to be had, and in this, I mean more than sweet companion (nice side benefit if you can find it) of the two legged kind. You see, life should shrink, if I lack courage to make it large; life should disappear if I don’t hang on tight.  Life should expand in endless possibilities if my imagination and action arrive at the same time, place, mood . . . in the middle of the day, or the middle of night.

 

My morning’s cooking along, afternoon’s arrival anticipated – will last till night, be sleep-followed yielding one new tomorrow.  Maybe, if I take a nap beside a pad, that story will come to life . . .

 

~~~

POKING HOLES - archived poetry

 

When sun came out today

life improved; someone wrote

to me today - life improved

someone called me today

and life improved – well, actually

it didn’t improve but that cloud

hanging over like a wet towel

dried out some, lifted some,

I poked holes in the sky and

now I see a little better -

life improved.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,112

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

May 30 Comments

 

May 30 – THINGS THAT SCARE YOU A LOT – Hi Mark, I have enjoyed listening to the music links you send out each week! You are expanding my horizons. I loved the Irish monkeys! A few weeks ago, you recommended Edith Piaff and I thought you might like to try listening to a contemporary French singer. Try a YouTube search for ZAZ. Enjoy!, KDK, Calgary, AB

 

May 30 – THINGS THAT SCARE YOU A LOT - I don't know if you already get this publication but am sure you would find it an interesting read.  Yesterday, you addressed believing in the "impossible" and John starts his mailing with a cute quote in "From through the Looking Glass" by Lewis Carroll whereby the Queen starts her day believing as many as six impossible things before breakfast!  Also, interesting political commentary.  To subscribe to John Mauldin's E-Letter please click here: http://www.frontlinethoughts.com/subscribe.asp , SY, Honolulu, HI

 

May 30 – THINGS THAT SCARE YOU A LOT - Good one today, Mark.  I keep a collection of quotes for livening up my speeches and you just got quoted today. "Our maximum is beyond calculation.  Our minimum, many of us are already far too familiar with."  - Mark Kolke - Thanks, CR, Calgary, AB

 

May 30 – THINGS THAT SCARE YOU A LOT - Just listening to the music you have in your column today......you sure do have a beautiful tune selection. I am so glad you are feeling better today. I look forward to reading tomorrows writing, PE, Calgary, AB

 

THINGS THAT SCARE YOU A LOT - Sunday May 30, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, overcast, drizzle but somehow more pleasant, eVERYthing green, Gusta witnessed (without aggression) geese herding their fuzzy yellow gaggle of kids into lagoon to reed-hide; saw exotic breeds dog walking group - Gusta watched like wide-eyed kids do when first-time parade watchers, as the procession passed by.

 

Sunday wake me up music/video mix: as I breakfasted on bagel spread the cream cheese, smothered with tomato slices cracked pepper, remembering Jack Nicholson’s way of ordering Toast (from the movie Five Easy Pieces)’. laughter, that’s what I need. At last, life’s a song, a trumpet solo , a look at Ayer’s Rock, and a little River Dance ; some serious Celtic Cheeriness to raise me up.

 

No value comes from sitting still (apologies for my morose yesterday); there is value only in living for some great cause.  The greatest cause, for each of us, should be personally maximizing what we are capable of.  Anything less is letting ourselves off the hook.  

 

We, wee tiny specs, in universe’s largesse. Every morning, we arrive again - enter this day, first time – it’s never existed before and we’ve never been here, in this day, before.  OK, I’m not being weird . . . stay with me; imagine, each morning – like a new land to explore, where our experiences serve to limit our ability to see what we’ve not seen before, to do what we’ve not done before, dream what we’ve not dreamt, dare what we’ve dared not.

 

I have some obvious difficulty with that – because rooms, furniture, things, pile of work to do, view out the window … are all the same, so how can it be different?  Well, it is. 

 

Ernest Hemingway said: ‘All my life I’ve looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time.’

 

If all we do is repeat what we’ve done, if all we think is what we’ve already thought, if all  imagine is a replay in our minds, there’s no future value in that. What happens today, or tomorrow, is not some repeat of the past week or a past life, it is new, all NEW, ready to be tasted or wasted. Which will you do?

 

 ‘Discovery consists is seeing what everyone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought.’ – Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

 

I need to stay focused on seeing through - over, around – seeing with my brain instead of my eyes; this is new. 

 

Where/how to find new thoughts - fresh actions: laughter lubricant, adrenaline fuel, endorphin acceleration, open new doors, slam some old ones shut. If it feels good or the same, or OK, then discard it in favor of ideas that make your hair stand on end.

 

Test yourself with things that scare you a lot. They energize, fuel your tank, light your rocket, and turn you on like no drug or hay-roll ever will.  Dare to light your flaring torch of new energy.

 

It may not change the whole world, but it will change yours immensely.

 

It changed mine, and changes a bit more every day.  

 

Our maximum is beyond calculation. 

Our minimum, many of us are already far too familiar with. 

 

I don’t subscribe to the notion that ‘we have nothing to lose’.

 

What we have to lose, is everything in life.

 

I’ve promised myself that I won’t let that happen . . . and I urge you to stop resting comfortably with who you are, where you are and what you’ve done. In terms of your potential, you’ve not done much yet.  Isn’t it time to get busy?

 

.....I'm changing the world.  That sounds arrogant, but it’s not.  I can't do it all alone.  need helpers. You can help . . by opening your mind to daring-do, to exploring what you can do with your life rather than waiting for events and time to pass, because the only changes that will happen will come from you. It's time to get started. Time for waiting is over. I'm not talking about your two biggest problems/obstacles in your mind. You know them already. I'm talking about everything. I want you to open your eyes as wide as they go. Wider. Wider still. Dream what you want. Grab it.

 

~~~

THERE’S A WAY - archived poetry

In the beginning

nothing fits, then

everything does;

my way, of being

those rainy days

invite visions

foreign shores

soft sand beaches

steamy breezes

splendid golf shots

that land softly

roll perfectly

like a nap fits

middle afternoon.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,136

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

May 29 Comments

 

May 29 – GLOOM IN A ROOM – Wonderful rendition of EVITA!  Also...don't forget to do the "Birthday Present To Self"...it makes getting older seem like a "Reward"...after all, you've survived another year! Regarding "Paths"..ever try "Mind Mapping" on your paths? You'll find each path is composed of many and if you analyze the parts and do the "Cut and Paste" routine on them, you might find the perfect "Path" keeping part of the old but thereby going into a different direction without the volatility of the old parts that weren't as good as the others you keep.  Again, thanks for your thoughts...they are nice to ponder each morning.  SY  Honolulu,HI

 

May 29 – GLOOM IN A ROOM/weather - Spent the morning planting plants and building mini rock enclosures for them.  ….. now watching shadows creep across the valley in preparation for night....warm here, naked weather.   So of course I think of you, poor thing, in Canada walking Gusta in the snow.   It is all about latitude and elevation, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

May 29 – GLOOM IN A ROOM -  Pardon me if I have in any way misinterpreted what I read. I felt that you are having a bit of a down day. No one should have to feel the pain of being lonely. Yet so many do.....including myself at times. I feel sad for you and hope once the sun comes out you will be soothed by it's warm .I realize it is not about the weather . We are at a stage in our lives that it is easy to feel time isn't on our side and the pursuit to achieve a new dream to find that ultimate person almost feels like the "impossible dream". I have been told by some close friends that "it" will happen when the time is right. Whether this is true or not I don't know. I do know it does calm the heart, mind and soul if you do try to believe that there is someone that one day will bring the "magic" that you are seeking. I truly hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. Keep your chin up and have reason to chuckle out loud....it becomes you !!, PE, Calgary, AB … P.S.: Just want you to know .....nice choice of music yesterday...some made me want to cry.

GLOOM IN A ROOM - Saturday May 29, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

Morning walk: 0C/32F, paths empty, slick, steady breeze woke my face, light snow falling and accumulating again – like standing water which Gusta the water dog loved …

 

Music selections for today: some Lea Salonga,  Without You , Bryan Adams - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman? ,  and some Santana – Maria Maria ,  some Carly and some Roy.

 

I found this chuckle (source unknown): ‘Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backwards, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck.’  Easy to name people who fit those - sometimes I slip there too.

 

Chill, gloom – gray day, lonely thoughts collect like dust bunnies, under furniture to cloud my view from under there; corrective action required to remind there is so much happy out there in places where the sun is shining, where the air is hot … where people are laughing.  But just today, right here, not so much. Pondering goals not reached, dreams fractured and ambitions I lost along the trail, somewhere along my way it became too much about alignment of goals and tactics, not enough about what goes on inside – that connects belly and brain.

 

I like the dreamy/brain part, but my reality parts pose mental roadblocks: I’m nearly 59 which, on its face, suggests there are fewer practical options available than a decade or two ago, but with this stage/age  arrives a nervier view, of less fear, pursuing more daring options . . . because, ‘what’s the harm?’, ‘what do I have to lose?’ and, the inevitable ‘why not?’.

 

From the gloom in this room, there is a strange brain thing. From millions (at least hundreds) of options, I find I too often consider only two. 

 

The first, is the path I am on. 

 

The other, whichever ‘path I think I want’;  about those two, I debate.

 

Alternatives I try, as brain candy, involve wandering somewhat aimlessly in my mind in hope a new (3^rd or 4^th or 5^th option) path will find me.   Saturday mornings, time for pondering which way is right; the way I am going, or some other vastly different one?

 

~~~

TEFLON ONES - archived poetry

 

Some people

don’t read

don’t think

don’t expect

to be caught, their

obviousness,

to their lying,

they don’t think

they are

they’re just

avoiding conflict

being nice

but at

end of the day

they aren’t being

nice to anyone

especially themselves

they create

illusion of ethics

of truth telling

impressions

when, in fact

far from it,

they live at

other ends

of a sprayed out

spectrum, albeit

smoothly sliding

from situation to

next one

as if nothing

catches them

nothing sticks

to them.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,160

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

 

May 28 Comments

 

May 28 – NEVER EVER GIVE UP – Thanks for the reminder to never ever give up.  It's hard to remember this when you've had a few major set-backs and are wondering if things will ever get easier!, MM, Phoenix, AZ

NEVER EVER GIVE UP - Friday May 28, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 1C/34F, calm, overcast, 2 inches of white covering everything, light drizzle spray in our faces, Gusta loved it – returning dry on top, wet underneath . . the midpoint appearing like the water line of a boat.

 

Just because it is Friday (we’re all tired and too pooped) doesn’t mean our brains or bodies can’t do something valuable.  Just a moment, while you savor your coffee, ask yourself, if it became necessary - to rescue someone - would you row your boat over to save them?

 

It couldn’t be done.  It can’ be done. It’s impossible.  How many times do we encounter statements like these? 

 

If we don’t give up, if we refuse to stop trying, we are never defeated.  Everything starts somewhere, but it only stops when we let it stop – we are only flattened when we say we are. Just about anything is possible, whatever the dismal odds or barriers we face. I am not discounting informed decision making any more than uninformed dreaming . . . whatever spark gets us going, that spark has magic in it. 

 

Whether altruistic zeal or dreadful fear, something moves us from thoughts and dreams into action.  Am I dreaming too large?  What big problem am I trying to solve?  What big goal am I pursuing?   What big challenge am I trying to make a reality?  What cause I am trying to champion?  Who needs help and what am I doing to help them?  Why is there apathy?  Why are we so reluctant to get involved?

 

End of short week following Victoria weekend – American friends gear up for Memorial Day, British celebrate (this is 70^th) anniversary) of that rescue, thousands of little boats, saving thousands of soldiers stranded on Dunkirk beaches. Fifty of those boats, still afloat, will re-enact the crossing to commemorate their efforts when, following a battle failure, they  prevented catastrophic death of thousands. They risked it all, gave all, to do the impossible. That is worth a weekend of celebration.

 

A quote from Robert Fritz gets me clear on these issues of what we should or should not dream or scheme about, wish for, work for or struggle against. He said: ‘If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.’

 

Whatever the horrid odds or substantial obstacles, we only fail when we believe our objective is not possible.  Dream impossible gigantic deed dreams. People who need our help most are not always stranded on a beach somewhere, rescue by boat is not the only way to help and we are all capable of doing something about it.  Have a great uncompromising weekend!

 

~~~

UNDERCOVER WORK - archived poetry

 

A day for it, walking for hours

drenched, ready for it, come home

for it – to be there in dreary quiet

damp day drizzle. cloud cover,

sun shines somewhere but not here,

there and over somewhere else,

but not here - because right here

right now , absence of heat –

kind you feel, warm day kind

kind you need on drizzly day

kind , found under covers

hiding out from this world

just a bit, not fear frozen

or anxiety flight taking but

just staying, trusting instinct

body over brain desire comes,

no intuitive value to it kind

that brings smiles to lips

and fingers to tips this day

for it, living a dream

dreaming a life built on this

foundation of rainy days

wearing socks under covers.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,184

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

NO TIME FOR NEW ENEMIES - Thursday May 27, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 8C/46F, overcast, steady breeze, drizzling; drying Gusta after our romp was a job more fit for a car-wash style dryer than a man with a towel . . . the paths were empty except for a solitary jogger ill dressed for the occasion getting as soggy as Gusta did.

 

Sometimes we can convey so much without saying anything at all. But, most of the time, for most of us, we need the words.  Here are some famous last words to give you smile, or a chuckle, or a deep reflection:

 

Pancho Villa’s last: ‘Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.’

 

Voltaire’s last (on his deathbed, asked to forswear Satan):  "This is no time to make new enemies."

 

When we think of last words - often associated with death or loss – that view could dominate this subject, but just as easily we impact everyone around us with our choice of first words in any conversation and the last words of it too – because we never know if we’ll have another.  Sometimes the reason we never have another is because we shut the door on any further talk because of the last words we spoke . . . or failed to.

 

My first words. And, my last words . . .

 

I’ve had last words, final words and ‘ending words’ with a number of people lately; not deaths, but endings whose time had come.  As well, given the death of two friends in the last year, I’ve pondered my last conversations with them. One, I remember so very well. The other, I don’t recall at all because it has been so long since we’d talked – a mistake I regret. If I could wake them up, I’d say lots I never said before.

 

This is not about missing them or deep regret at something not said to someone dear, but remembering how fragile life is, how delicate our connections with others can be sometimes – when an off-hand remark or failure to listen to the message within their words, cuts off an opportunity to explore important issues and do some real learning.

 

The pace of life easily excuses these things – you know, taking time to call an old friend, or using the time for a conversation we might otherwise miss the chance to have. Considered on those terms, the urgency of a meeting, the pressing deadline, the daily list of ‘must-do items’ suddenly doesn’t seem so important.

 

Maybe, when we talk, to someone we know – just before we end it – we should shake hands, look them in the eye and tell them we appreciate them, that we have valued the time we spent talking with them.  With strangers, maybe we should do the same, but maybe invest even more time to better appreciate what we might be missing if we don’t see or talk to them again.  They are perfect . . . our first words are just the beginning, so I should make sure they are not our last.

 

Last words can open a cornucopia of experience and knowing . . .  or could be just a lost(perhaps spectacular) opportunity. Choose, whichever you wish, but in that choosing, recognize you forever lose the other.

 

There is always time to make new friends, just as there is time to avoid making new enemies.

 

~~~

FEED ME - archived poetry

 

Hunger pangs

like anxiety,

drive any thought

worth having

right off my screen;

food not seen

in tangible sense,

in dreamy vision or

creamy hallucination –

food – vivid imagination

being fed because

we must eat

be sustained

must eat well

to feel well

eat gloriously

to feel glorious

but it’s not about

consumption or

sustenance of life

as much

as it is about

relishing the

joy of it, just

as fun is

and was

best condiment

when you

feed me best

you let me

eat you up.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,208

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

 

May 26 Comments

 

May 26 – FOR GOODNESS SAKE – I read 'The Girl Who Played With Fire', also featuring Lisbeth Salander, a few weeks ago.  Steig Larsson is one of the most  incredibly fascinating, exciting and meticulous writers I've ever had the pleasure to read.  Enjoy!, VJP, DeWinton, AB

 

May 26 – FOR GOODNESS SAKE – Three directions at once.  That defines me.  I have to really focus to stay on one track.  I have so much energy that my friends say they can't keep up with me.  I am sure there is some biochemical reason for this, but I'll just be grateful that I have energy to do the things I need to do and want to do (and the things other people pay me to do).  I have energy to do the same old thing over and over, but don't you dare call me insane!  So, how do I move into territory where I do something differently?  First of all, I need to understand what I want to change, be willing to do the work and let go of the results.  For me, I want different results with the men I am choosing (or those that choose me and I allow in).  The work I find I must do to be open to the "one," which does not really mean one because I think there is more than one, is to practice celibacy.  No, this is not my preference, but to do so allows me to really get to know someone first.  Read the lyrics to the Shins' The Celebate Life ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBbOhOMIQ18 ).  Do you want to reconsider your "two-night minimum?", JK, Kailua, HI

 

May 26 – FOR GOODNESS SAKE – Another interesting poem, visually mirroring your descending message. FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

May 26 – FOR GOODNESS SAKE – What's up with you? I have little time to talk-- Crazy busy these past 24 hours, & so much happened. Miraculous! Just now got to your morning musings... your reflections make me smile. Enjoy your day, Mark, Aloha hugs, PF, Honolulu, HI

 

May 26 – FOR GOODNESS SAKE – You speak of our having no limitation regarding the paths we take, and it seems that your writing style references daily "life at a crossroad."  JW's response yesterday was SO INSIGHTFUL and I might add that you should "follow your heart" to find your direction as this normally leads best to the "Truth". Crossroads are good...they are choices...just following your heart for the direction to take often works better than all the exhaustive analysis you so often reference. SY, Honolulu, HI

 

FOR GOODNESS SAKE - Wednesday May 26, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

Morning walk:5C/41F, mostly overcast, steady south (odd) breeze, we were out late, yard dogs were taken in, morning commuter rush done, student bus-stop crush done, noise done, landscaping crews done, quiet returned but still, Gusta wanted to go three directions at once.

This landlubber, swims in three streams - like confused fish swims upstream to spawn, arriving where three streams divide from one - not knowing which stream is MY stream, instincts fail, lack of fish-memory could leave me flapping for breath on the shore. I must, simply must, take all three. Impossible you may say?  But, I am not a fish. I am not swimming. I am not limited by stream or path or route; not one or three or three hundred,  nor are you.

Stream 1:  from yesterday: deep sleep drained, then replenishes reservoir, inspires to do things differently, for change sake as much as for goodness sake.  Both. It would be nice to do something different - for a change. Fresh approach, or idea, is the objective of every artist’s every work, every sculptor chiseling fresh rock and every writer violating a virgin page. Also, Graham Hill’s weekday vegetarian program seems interesting and inspiring to me. Not sure if I could do it, but having a meat reward weekend for a meatless week is a notion of vegetarianism I’ll explore.

Stream 2: common sense and logic don’t fit. Big words don’t work. Truth works.  Feel, works. Desire to, too. Someone wrote to me, yesterday: ‘I am being led  into something, as I climb a black mountain that I never 'ever' truly desired to entertain. It's fresh, yes. Truly, a 'viable'... albeit, speckled palpable, spiritual connection; truth!  That got me thinking and, obviously, reading the rest of what she wrote … has me intrigued, exploring, swimming to somewhere.

Stream 3: late Swedish writer sensation Steig Larsson’s book, basis of the movie ‘Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’ . . .saw it last night; rarely is there good reason to be out late on a school night … phenomenal story, Lisbeth Salander’s awesome portrayal; not sure if I want to read all the books, or just see all three movies with English sub-titles but well worth the read, quicker than a book – sort of a hands-free Coles notes approach to a stunning story. I heard the book publisher liken Steig’s skill to Dicken, Dumas etc. - maybe I’ll get the book.

~~~

SEASONING - archived poetry

Spice will enhance our food flavor much

the way personality enhances people

and punctuation hinges words

together, to give greater

meaning or stronger

emphasis, or to

separate this

from that

or these

words

from

you

an’

me

or

I

~~~

Mark Kolke

322,232

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

May 25 Comments

May 25 – FRESH PEPPER – Well seasoned veterans like yourself, ourselves, may not control things that we are not meant to control. We can then try to influence that which otherwise, be a direction we might not want to take. Such is life, DK, Edmonton, AB

 May 25 – FRESH PEPPER - Good poem today, Mark.  Poetry (to me) is about rhythm, cadence and well chosen words.  Usually, removing unnecessary words takes more time then the initial writing.  In the end it is a few very well chosen words which leaves the strongest impression. (unless your name is T.S. Eliot and you've written the greatest epic poem of the 20th century-- less is more.), FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 May 25 – FRESH PEPPER - Mark, thank you for Fresh Pepper...  I read you with delight. You made me feel special. PF, <豼Ţ>Honolulu, HI

FRESH PEPPER - Tuesday May 25, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 4C/39F, calm, a few clouds; Gusta found bird activity on the lagoon deserved investigation – legs/underbelly returned soggy – dog smiling, ducks and geese paddled along to destinations, as if nothing was happening.  Dogs exploring, ducks paddling – we should all take summer time to learn their calm, in garden or park or beside a constructed wetland storm water catch-basin.  Pond would seems a better term, lagoon even better - conjures thoughts of an evening walk in paradise, yearning to do things I’ve never done, imaginings, how things might be, dotted line between fantasy and reality - but I believe this goes beyond any line, dotted or otherwise, that might separate longing for the second half of life or regretting the first half.

 

‘poof’

 

Reality check; Tuesday morning, Calgary, work to do, time flew. But first, join me – to question whether the last few days made us better, if our experiences made us stronger or better prepared for what comes next?

 

I didn’t control it. Someone else did; ideas, agenda – not mine at all.  I was reminded - as someone took umbrage with my entire life without knowing much about it – that my view of the world is not going to match up with anyone whose brain works that differently from mine.  This weekend exploration was peculiar, unsettling but not unnerving. I won’t give up my driven quest. But, when experiences like that seem to waste precious time, sap valuable energy – there is a bonus, silver lining in that cloud – the time and angst of a future that WON’T be realized, because I realized someone is not right for me . . . so, passing, moving along, is fine . . .

 

Harnessing energy and creativity is my job. Managing frenetic pace, balancing slow and sublime too – that’s my job. I’ll not delegate it or have someone impose their version of life on mine . . .

 

Awash in a sea: questions, answers, views and interpretations, I am reminded of randomness magic. Best laid plans are, believe me, not best, or laid, at all.  Out of that nothingness, voice comes, from far away, glimmer of magic, taste of understanding . . . a little seasoning, some fresh pepper.

 

P.S.  …. I launched a new website (to host my weekly newsletter…re-started after a 15 month break); I’m pleased with it and invite your visit/comments on FACILITYCalgary

~~~

SLEEP AHEAD - archived poetry

 

I went to bed,

I was ahead

in life and

not far behind

my goals

but I woke up

one world-turn

behind again,

so I have to

work all day

to catch up

with you,

wondering

all day

where it is

that night went

again, and

questing to

know where

this day

will lead

and whether

next time

I wake

I’ll feel

behind

again

or ahead

for the

first time.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,256

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

May 24 Comments

 

May 24 – BUT NOT ENOUGH – Maybe we are not supposed to understand each other and just understand that we are wired different and that's it.  I think if you can tolerate one another for a long period of time that's probably good enough.  I have lived with many people in my lifetime, college roommates, husbands, live in lovers and children.  I can't say that I was happy with any of them every day or even weeks at a time, but I learned to deal with it or move on. And as far as the quotes, they all make sense depending on the day or the mood.  Why is it that we all have to analyze and dissect everything and everyone, it's so exhausting. Mark, I like you just the way you are, but of course I am over here and you are over there.  Easy isn't it. LOL,  MM, Arlington Heights, IL

 

May 24 – BUT NOT ENOUGH - Mark, please let CH from Red Deer know that I really appreciate the encouraging comments. Indeed, my life is exponentially better this year and when I finally meet my last great love, I will offer him the gift I've unwrapped and first given to myself...a vibrant, confidant woman, who doesn't 'need' him to be whole, but fully celebrates his company on the rest of our fabulous journey, SW, Coeur d'Alene, ID

 

May 24 – BUT NOT ENOUGH - Happy holiday.  Ours is next Monday.  In response to your Carl Jung quote, if you look at your hand when you point to someone, notice that you are pointing three fingers back at yourself.  I regularly do this and am amazed.  What I dislike in others is what I dislike in myself.  I used to be quick to judge others, but not so much today.  When I find I do, or start telling someone else what to do in a situation, I pause and ask myself, "is this something that is also applies to me?"   This shift in perspective allows me to be compassionate about the other person and to remind myself that maybe this is an area I need to focus on and maybe do something about myself!, JK, Kailua, HI

 

May 24 – BUT NOT ENOUGH - In the beginning.....men hunted and procreated, and they still do.  These days hunting could be, among other things but not limited to, for interesting thoughts, new projects, clients to sell to, new places to eat, a better place to live, a woman with which to procreate.  They focus on one thing at a time, that’s why we have so many great men in history.  Women, on the other hand, and I know you are probably sighing as you read this, had many things to occupy them, many things to be aware of at once.  They minded the children they bore until they were independent and in minding them they protected them, soothed their minor wounds, cooked (or tore the meat off what the men brought home), dried meat, taught the children their independence, made clothing from the skins they took from the animals the men hunted, they sought firewood, swept debris from the shelter they helped build.  They are well suited to multitasking, therefore focussing on many things at once without neglecting any.  That’s why we have so many great women in history.  Have you stopped sighing yet?  The women provided warmth, a safe haven in a storm, conversation, children, warm cooked food and that’s why you men keep hunting for them – they provide the home, the men provide the house.  Some men and some women cannot feel complete without that special someone in their lives.  A relationship is not shared half by a man and half by a woman, a relationship is created as a third entity when two complete and whole individuals contribute energy to it.  It takes on life – but until you know who you really are and until you are comfortable being a whole one, not a half of a relationship, what you get is what you’ve always got.  Once again, learn about your oneness, take the time to be really alone and comfortable with it and if the universe sees that you really are, then you will be ready to meet the one who is also ready.  On the other hand, if you want what you’ve always had, then keep doing what you’ve always done.  I think you’re too smart for that.  JW-Cochrane/Calgary, AB  soon to be Montreal then New York....another adventure begins tomorrow.

 

BUT NOT ENOUGH - Monday May 24, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 3C/37F amid blazing sunshine heralds, I hope, arrival of a warmer day/week; Gusta followed the bird noises by the reeds and cat tails, I observed that yesterday’s handymen were not out today . . . perhaps sleeping late.

 

This Victoria Day holiday weekend is, for many Canadians, a day for opening up the cottage (don’t have one), planting the garden (don’t have one), going camping (don’t camp) or having backyard gatherings (after last night’s effort by the neighbors till 2:30AM I have no appetite for that) . . so, what to do?  I have some work to do – postponed from yesterday (took the day off!) + I’m taking my dad out for lunch.

 

I’ve been pondering a time-worn subject of understanding – how to achieve it, deal with it, and how to deal without it – and by that I mean understanding that which, it appears, is not to be understood without more information . . . like guessing games in the dark.  Probably not tough for a blind man, but really tough for me.

 

It seems we can under-achieve, under-perform and under-appreciate; these are concepts so easily comprehended, but the one I have the most trouble with is under-standing.  To help me understand, I researched the clever words of people who seem knowledgeable on the subject. These words help, a little, but not enough:

 

‘And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.’ – Helen Rowland

 

‘Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.’ – Carl Jung

 

‘All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.’- Galileo Galilei

 

Clearly Galileo was focused on the entire universe rather than women.  He obviously underestimated the problem, or maybe he just avoided the impossible in favor of the massively difficult. Jung is right, of course, because it seems Jung is always right. Rowland cleverly states what all men know; as if giggling as she wrote it.

 

I’ll go through this day without understanding much about many things, many issues and certainly not better informed about women.  Instead of focusing on that insoluble problem, I’ll do some work and run the world (OK, maybe just my world), for a day.  Happy holiday!

 

~~~

FRIDGE DOOR POETRY - archived poetry

 

Moths are inexorably drawn

to a flame or bright light

late at night, much like

magnets attract to metal

as humans are drawn

to attach to other humans,

types we are so very

strongly attracted to - but,

because  we are so much smarter

than moths (we think)

we see light, know light,

know the flame, know better too

but despite that wisdom

we are drawn to the light as if

no other thing mattered; but,

since we label it love, we find no

difficulty with this because

we enable it, before we

label it – love - and put it in

a compartment in our brain

not unlike putting a jelly jar

in the fridge because that is

where we keep it stored, safe

where harm will not come

and when we want a spoonful

of that sugary recipe it will be

there, waiting for us, preserved,

protected, unused since

the last time we brought it out

to serve with French toast and

bacon – but this morning with nobody

to make French toast for, jelly waits

there, resting, inside fridge door.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,280

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

 

May 23 Comments

 

May 23 – NEW STEAK KNIVES - Please forward this message to SW from Couer d’Alene ID.  Congratulations…way to go …good for you…although I don’t know you, I do know the journey you have taken and I am so happy for you to have found the treasure that you are...it is easy to loose ourselves…in the day to day of our life, the lives of others, of trying to survive and cope…of loving and wanting to be loved…. The journey is not easy but the wisdom and discoveries along the way are worth the effort… and… when we discover that we are so much more than we have ever believed we are…a gift.   Thank you Mark for the quote today from Norman Mailer…..”Every moment of one’s existence is growing into more or retreating into less…one is always living a little more or dying a little bit”…a great reminder to me to resist the easy route on my journey - retreat(ing into less) and to choose growth, moving forward, taking a chance and living a little more each day…in spite of how uncomfortable I feel or the fears that I have.  Mark, I am not sure why our paths have crossed…divine guidance perhaps….but I am grateful everyday to have your musings to reflect on, take from and to apply to my life journey…..thank you…your writing helps people change their lives… , CH, Red Deer, AB

 

 

May 23 – NEW STEAK KNIVES - I haven't commented on your column in several days.  Let's see,  what was the first thing you wrote today that got me -  Am I telling  my story or someone else's?  Because you write your story, I am able  to write how it relates to my story.  I appreciate this about what you  do each day.  It's why I keep coming back.  The second thing, was Norman Mailer's quote:  'There is nothing safe about sex.'  Amen.  And, 'I'm hostile to ... poor cockroaches."   Living in Hawaii is the place to be hostile toward cockroaches.  They  are the size of small cat here, but you know this.  I use to be deadly  afraid of them.  Not anymore.  You should see me go after them.  Dead  is the word!  I hate the bastards. I like what your friend from Kaunakakai wrote:  Don't try so hard.  I  know that is what I need to do. Have a great day!!, JK, Kailua, HI

NEW STEAK KNIVES - Sunday May 23, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, partly sunny/cloudy, yesterday’s chill continues to discourage outdoor fun, Gusta and I witnessed people planting, building fences, getting their rear yards, front yards and side yards – the kind no one spends time in or looks at much – in shape, manicured and sculpted representing nothing of what the people in those houses are like, how their lives work (unless you believe every uniformly identical yard indicates uniformly identical residents of the heated box that sits on each lot).  It’s a fresh day.

 

My music selections for today - Enya’s Watermark, Einsamer Hirte + more Zamphir + more , Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan , G.F.Handel Alla Hornpipe (Helsinki flute quartet) D.Varelas which I hope you enjoy with a hot drink in a cozy place.

 

In the early days of my writing, I ran afoul of some, most especially a gorgeous fiery Welsh woman and also my mentor KT – which produced robust conversation on the subject of story.  The issue was not one of hitting so very near the bone (which I do with scary surgical precision some times) but the issue then, was of telling someone else’s story rather than sticking to my own.   This question ‘is this my story to tell?’ became clearly one to ask every day, rule for remembering.  As I am these days, stabbing at fiction, I am finding that, I can change names, locale, hair color or quirky traits to disguises those stories I couldn’t otherwise tell. They’ll find their way to my pages . . .

 

But, I digress. I went out last night after changing my resolve to stay in from the chill; I went to the gym, more for the steam than the workout. I left just before closing to visit a store, to buy steak-knives.  Steak knives, or rather the ‘case of the missing steak knives’ is no longer one I need help to resolve. I bought new steak knives, and life has been changed.  There will come time, just about one o’clock at the farmer’s market, for more book research, next page of my story, changing someone’s life – possibly mine - I’ll write that down, it’s a story for sharing, or at least for growing.

 

Catharsis of writing is home plate – centers me, closest I get to knowing myself, learning keystroke, punctuation point or pause at a time - there is a recipe in me, for fixing. If I can excise that recipe, perhaps there is something there which might release, new learning for someone receptive to have change in their life . . .  

 

Case in point: I’ve been a Norman Mailer fan since my teen years; not from reading his prodigious output of door-stop-weight books, essays or stories evidencing his flamboyant style, but watching the iconic tour de force, lightning rod for outrageousness (brilliantly executed) mostly through media-eyes; treat to read, read about or watch interviewed + retrospectives of those interviews after his death a couple of years ago. I’d re-watched, but listened with a different ear. No longer confused teenager or wandering confuznik, as writer now  – intrigued more by his lessons for me as a writer, as a man.

 

Some of my favorite Norman Mailer quotes:  ‘When I read it, I don’t wince, which is all I ever ask for a book I write.’ - - - ‘There are four stages in a marriage. First there’s the affair, then the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.’ - -  - ‘There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same.’ - - - ‘There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be’.  - - -  ‘I’m hostile to men, I’m hostile to women, I’m hostile to cats, to poor cockroaches, I’m afraid of horses’. - - - ‘Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. One is always living a little more or dying a little bit.’

 

One of his most telling comments, I saw again last week, the clip played while his widow was interviewed about her new book – he explained, though he had written many very good novels, his unfulfilled dream was to write a novel ‘that changes people’s lives’.

 

Immodesty is, from what I’ve seen, not common among book writers, essay writers, writers of any kind actually.  It seems I/we have some quasi-evangelical strain that presumes to know something others don’t, presumes to have it parsed just right to tell – all the reader need do is read, listen and follow instructions . . . to a better life, as a result.

 

As Mailer’s career end yearning proves in part, there is driven-ness in writers, one I am late in life coming to know, that, despite all failings and yet-unresolved shortcomings, we have something to offer which might indeed, change people’s lives. His comment rang home for me, again. 

~~~

MUSCLE MEMORY - archived poetry

 

To make sense of this

tormented-ness I think

I need some help, or

maybe I just need time

for it to heal up; yes,

that’s it, like an old

sports injury it will be

cured, scar over and

not bother me

very much at all,

the kind I can forge

all about, that kind

that only twinges

when weather changes

or robust physical

activity causes a pull

or a strain, that will

remind me then, that

once, a long time ago

there was a pain there,

that gut-wrench

hurt inflicted by an

accident when, not

really looking for it

or expecting it, I was

blindsided by love

tackled by feeling

and overcome by

the knowing that I

will likely never feel

like that again – so it

will be OK then, to

be reminded of

where there once

was pain there.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,304

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

May 22 Comments

 

May 22 – IT SEEMS TO ME  - Wonderful talk with you last night, thanks for the call. Birdsong and morning showers greet me this morning.  A quiet respite, a cup of coffee and a grey tabby cat nearby before the day's activities. Cats just aren't as much fun to "walk" as puppies. You are important in my life. I suppose, if one doesn't "fall" in love.  then getting "over" is a very different process.  I had hoped that the past few weeks of being too busy to write and speak and your process of meeting and enjoying lovely women would help you "get over."    Until I can joyfully move forward into a future without Stanley, I am sure that "falling" in love is not likely.  Until you open up your heart to someone unexpected, unplanned and maybe even someone who doesn't fit your "chart" quite so perfectly, then it is  possible you will continue to fail in your quest for love.   Or maybe.  You just haven't met her yet.  Someone wrote in recently to your column.  She/He said.  "don't try so hard."  It is advice I plan to take myself.  I'll put it on tomorrow's schedule, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

May 22 – IT SEEMS TO ME - Hi Mark, I quite enjoyed your monologue today. A mixture of humor and seriousness, laughter and pain, it's realistic to our common daily experience. I especially liked your portrayal of the woman with her unruly dog. You're quite right; I'd rather take my chances with the dog, EG, Calgary, AB

 

May 22 – IT SEEMS TO ME - Mark I enjoy your musings and daily thoughts even if they are not ground shaking because it is important that at least some of us on this planet observe and better yet share, PL, Calgary, AB

 

IT SEEMS TO ME - Saturday May 22, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, broody moody clouds everywhere, light breeze, Gusta’s dog encounters deserve columns of their own this morning; to say the least, one cause me to laugh my sides off at a young woman cursing-out her dog as she tried to herd it back into the house, expletives were many, repeated the whole vocabulary several times, as she struggled to herd the unruly terrier pup back inside . . . a revelation of character no man would ever go near. But that’s not the funny part – she called the pooch by name, Karma.

 

Today’s music selections for enjoying with your coffee, hot or cold; Jingo, Magpie, Oye Coma Va,  Moonlight Shadow,  Ukulele weeps, Pachelbel Canon in D Major , Hang Drum Solo  , Get Ready and Both Sides Now and this one too.

 

Each experience, it seems to me, that we have in life – if we are having it for the first time can startle us, amaze us, new-phase us and provide experiences that tickle, torment or delight. Others are often unimpressed, because to them, it is not a new or particularly interesting experience.  Example:  dog owner and I witnessed the same event, apparently a new experience for each of us, and a totally different experience.

 

I’ve had loads of those; some laugh filled, some pain riddled, some emotionless, some emotion laden.  Some we get over, or around, some stick with us a while because we need that experience to last longer for its lesson to drill deeper – while the counterparty in the situation might be over it so much sooner, or feel they have nothing to get over, that experience so little, to them. Like those cloud illusions, I really don’t know clouds at all; some things got lost and some things were gained.

 

My coffee keeps getting cold; each time I sit down with a steaming cup – set it aside while I type a few words, then a few more, edit that sentence, polish it a bit, move it up or down; then go for a sip, it’s cold/bitter, time for another cup.  First, I’ll write a few more words, a few more, just a few more, OK, sip . . really cold now, time for refill, again.

 

I make notes, day before, or at night – sticky notes, words scribbled. They meant something then, when I wrote them. But, I think sometimes the note-idea or thought-cues they deliver in morning differ widely from what was in my mind last night or in the middle of the night. Terms like ‘just a minute ago’, angels, magpie, pants, cajole, unabashed, time and distance, inequity.  My morning challenge doubled – to somehow translate those notes to thoughts, to paper, to construct, I hope, reconstituted messages from those thoughts which caused me to write those words, on sticky notes . . . so, if you get the message, it was for you, and if you don’t it simply means we see different sides of issues, experiences and clouds . . . or so it seems to me.

 

~~~

JUST A MINUTE  - archived poetry

 

She was, first, un-gendered child idea, the

arrival planned, she/he would inhabit that

made-over room where our couch, our first

couch, the old TV couch resided, when

Star Trek and Kojak played between Chargex

ads that blared; but they’re long gone now,

so much was changed then in preparation for

the new child, first child, precious child to be

arriving to that gender neutral nest, of freshly

painted hues, those creamsicle colors, orange

and white everything; crib and rocker, bassinette,

diaper pail – with mobile spinning up there,

above the crib, time flew while we picked out

names, but I must say . . . at first she was just

an idea, on starting family a long time ago when

nine months seemed an eternity; thirty-two years

have flown by it seems, like just a moment ago

it was, that she grew and grew up, from a

nothing to a bump, from bump to belly, to

Saturday morn birth that proved she had both

a gender and a name, she wasn’t a Craig boy,

she was a Carla girl who quickly graduated, from

burping to skinned knees, school days, bike riding

days, car buying days, vacation days and college

days when all these calendar pages flipped, the

time flew away until - then it came, it arrived

yesterday, the wedding invitation – sealed and

stamped, posted, delivered and opened up –

it came as no surprise, but this arrival, and the

formality, the thought of it, this little envelope

contained an invitation, to her wedding day,

my first offspring to spring off to her own new

set of stories, the marriage chapter in life,

and time flew.

 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,328

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: dailycolumn@markkolke.com

 

 

May 21 Comments

 

May 21 – BEST FOR US – I had to chuckle about 'grabbing low hanging fruit experiences of life...' as being ultimately an unsatisfying experience. I'm having a self imposed year long fast from the three things I've loved the most, which have also caused me the most personal damage; men, sex and alcohol. Abstaining was initially not my choice. An annulment, a DUI with legal issues, and a fierce determination to never settle just to have a man, all conspired together to form my new reality. After almost a year of this unfamiliar state of deprivation, I've found a treasure which lay buried right under my nose: Me. The girl I used to be, the energetic, vibrant woman I was years before has amazingly re-surfaced. I smile with recognition as I see her in the mirror again. My adult kids are thrilled to have their mom back. I'm still looking for Mr. Right of course, but with an ease of anticipation that the wait will be worth it, SW Couer d'Alene, ID

 

May 21 – BEST FOR US –  ......will it be Chinese/Pizza or the farmers market - question of the day..LOL Perhaps on Sunday you will find everything you are searching for. Have a wonderful day, PE, Calgary, AB

 

May 21 – BEST FOR US – I found the comments as interesting as the column today.  I love how your readers seem to know you so well, I wonder how many you have had private conversation with if any.  I think part of what makes you interesting is that you are on a quest to find the right someone, however I do feel sometimes we need breaks from looking and that this is when indeed it appears in front of you, although as you know I believe you have to get out there and look as well, you never know what or whom you will find.  I wish you luck in your search, no one should be alone if they don't want to be.  Have a wonderful weekend, MM, Arlington Heights, IL

 

May 21 – BEST FOR US – Hi Mark, thanks for the phone call, I am sad that I missed you. I have been reading your musings each day, trying to figure out where your head and heart are at...and of course I have not been able to do that!! I do hope your week has been a good one. Hope your weekend is a good one, full of what ever it is that your heart desires. Have you told your special Hawaiian friend how you really feel? , DG, Edmonton, AB

 

May 21 – BEST FOR US –  "Christina Aguilera - Hope For Haiti Now (Lift Me Up)" - toasts and pleas to the night, listen to this. When the chills stop, listen again. If you post this, please implore your readers to BUY THIS album to help continue relief efforts in Haiti, KT, Huatulco, Mexico