today’s Musing written and published from
Morning walk: 2C/36F, some cloud, windy, damp chill from overnight shower – sunny cool weekend shaping up; Gusta enjoyed the wet grass on her belly . . . like running through an air-conditioner I suspect (reminds me to brush her coat out some more this weekend).
What ends things, or begins renewal? Real change, culmination of much thought, a feeling of endless searching – pondering if some distant goal or destination’s merit is as perceived, or whether that is a fantasy to be dashed on rocks. Forward is the only direction worth going, fast forward - only speed I know – and if/when I slow down, I know I’ll snap back and go just as fast. I have only time to spend, and my quest to find someone to spend it with might soon be over . . . too soon to tell for sure, but a nice start . .
Wilted flowers are normal to find along a path, because that’s what flowers do - everything a stage; for moving on - from stage to stage, like steps on a stairway; but, too often I think, my steps feel more like I’ve been walking down the UP escalator, stepping lots but not really moving very far at all.
So often, on phone, or in face-to-face meetings, I ask/or am asked, ‘how are things?’. My answer (because little has fundamentally changed) is a broken record of politeness, platitudes and cliché. I wish to change to a far better extraordinary answer.
Truth is, probably that much has changed, but the parts I think about, wrestle with and have been focusing attention on lately include annoying self-defeating things that drag me down, and inhibit my happiness and achievements on many levels, so change is overdue. Brad White pan-flute music seems the best mood music for this rumination illumination, but maybe Nickleback’s ‘If Today was your last day’ would be better.
Procrastination, has been my way - too much, too often, for too long; lost sleep my easiest (but worst) time-management tool and too many things have repeated themselves without enough stopping to examine them in a healthy and effective manner. Today seems a good day for change, just as it will be tomorrow when I call that day ‘today’.
There is no time like this time; it will never come again, so my decision is to make this time different - otherwise I end up with more of the same unhealthy procrastination that has marked so much of my work life ... and personal life ... with a real approach, not so much to change, but to make time only for doing things I feel a strong need/desire and compulsion to do – and to try some new ways to find a genuine new way.
I had lunch yesterday with my writing mentor Frank Dabbs (thanks Frank, it was great), sought advice and got lots more than I bargained for. The thing, with advice, is that it is only good if we take it – otherwise it is just conversation.
Changing my routine - managing my time (without withdrawal from my sleep account) so I can write more without altering things I need to be committed to – like good health, ‘being me’, this column, friends, family – yet getting off the treadmill so time to write those short stories and books I know I have in me can come out to play requires conscious change.
Change is needed – so, TODAY, not tomorrow, is when it begins. I figure, if I work really hard today and tomorrow . . I'll only be a year or two behind on my 'things I want to do' ..... so, I've resolved a solution
I'm going to work really hard today and tomorrow, clear my plate of all things I have to do/want to do on the basis that those are the only two days I have ... like I am going a way on a long trip. Then I'm throwing a lot of things away.
Sunday, I'll take the day off from work. I'll golf and spend some time with my dad (I think we have a couple of closets to clean) + it's roast beef dinner night at his place.
Monday, start anew, clean slate morning . . attack only new things I want to do (I'll have time), pursue new business I want, pursue the best love-connection prospect I have with some openness to magic (I am open to letting it in if it is real), and attack those boxes of accounting work languishing in the basement and to begin to put them into history, once and for all.
Tuesday, and beyond, I'm going to remove myself from the treadmill I’ve been on and start writing more seriously rather than just talking about. The NEW plan will only work if it is an every day focus.
And; a sidebar about Frank (looks great having lost 30 pounds; thank goodness his recovery from that stroke is 99% ..); he gets back to Calgary 2-3 times a year now from his writing table and awesome two acre garden near Owen Sound on Georgian Bay; he spent two hours with me before going to meet writers he is advising on their next books (Arne Neilson, former CEO of Mobil and Yann Martel, Life of Pi author) … I was honored and thrilled to spent time in the company of a friend, mentor and musing fan(FD) who has been so generous to me.
Some flowers are for keeping, some are for throwing away, some will arrive today, bloom today – start today, do today, live today, love today, mean things today, give today . . . and don’t put off today.
~~~
FRIDAY COMES
Pressure, then delay, extend each day and
procrastination envelops the nation, as we
make ourselves so busy we just go around,
get dizzy – until our heads stop twirling.
As if we could really keep those multiple
focuses going without a rest, because we
can’t do that for long, any more than we can
short ourselves on sleep every night and
still get through the week, let alone the night.
~~~
Mark Kolke
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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com
April 22 Comments
April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS – “moonless star studded sky was great until Gusta elected to poop in the shadows” – An adventure with two dogs and an owner who is slightly night-blind. Relieved 4-legged friend enthusiastically scratches dirt backward into the owner’s face as owner bends down with bag in one hand, two leads in the other, trying to follow the aroma of the ‘pile’ because she lacks a 3rd or 4th hand for a flashlight. Other 4-legged friend is off finding p-mail scents and tracking wee critters that left them. Fun…? No, but they are. Could we learn from the 4-legged friend that kicks dirt over what she’s left behind and then trots off to find new adventure, forgetting what is left behind? And perhaps the answer we seek remains tantalizingly out of reach because sometimes, unknown to us, the question quietly evolves as our experience grows? I dunno… JW-Calgary/Cochrane, AB . . . P.S. Perhaps the Poor Guy alone can do little but witness until he makes a choice to leave or find others who can together help to bring about change.
April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS - Just read your article - it was very good - you are an early riser! Love the poem. Talk to you soon, AF, Vancouver, BC
April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS - Hi Mark, The quote from Richard Bach struck a real chord for me - it is so very, very true! Loved the poem - very nice, SB, Calgary, AB
April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS - Hi Mark: "Like
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