Mark Is Musing

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DISTURBANCE - Mark’s Musing Tuesday Apr. 20, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 5C/41F, calm, sparse horizon hugging clouds; moonless dark middle of night, absence of light – so quiet, so peaceful - sun coming up as I was coming back from the gym, eerie sight overlooking fog blanketed river and McKenzie Meadows golf course.

 

Does life determine priorities for us, or do we?  From time to time, usually when business is spotty, I tend to examine what I am doing, how I am working and whether the value proposition I offer clients is still valid, the best way to go and generally get myself in a funk.  Add to that, a period of the phone not ringing as much, website hits declining – and suddenly funk can become deep-funk.

 

Then the phone rings, and rings, and rings; tendency then, is to set navel-gazing aside because it got busy again.  But navel gazing is warranted.

 

Someone asked, the other day, ‘how’s business?’ .. my reply, ‘good so far this year, but lately, it’s been spotty.’  I remember times when it was better.

 

Someone asked me, the other day, about which was my highest priority - to find a relationship that would last my whole life through, or to move to Hawaii - since I seem to be in hot pursuit of both; very good question. Results in that search have been spotty too, more bright than not, but spotty. I remember times when it was better.

 

Priority setting . . . making fundamental choices, then letting other priorities fall in line behind, is a philosophical approach to directing one’s life.  It is not for everyone or for every situation, but I think it has its place, for now, for me.

 

As I think about it, there are countless other priority conundrum’s in my life – perhaps in everyone’s life.  How do we sort them out to get a winning combo, how do we manage our efforts – to organize our efforts – really, toward an end we want, with other things being incidentals along the way; in other words, does the way we set priorities, determine the outcome more than it should?

 

Know me by this – I am real, flawed, happy, excited, sad – it seems like a normal day, usual week, typical month.  Priorities are clear. Phone rings, or it doesn’t. Whatever happens depends on what I do, what is happening or going by, and my reactions. 

 

Sometimes I pick up the phone, I make the call . . even if it is a middle of the night disturbance, though I think it words best when the person answering is a few time zones away. (happy birthday to SC). It works that way, all day, and in the middle of the night too.

 

Because that is the way these things work.

~~~

JUST ONE

There they are, where short-lived crocuses prospered,

for a while, and right beside tulips that will flourish and

then die, yielding way to hardy neighbors, the peonies,

that puncture ground with purple/beet red colored shoots.

 

Spring has arrived, daily sun warms house walls and

soft calm places were early shoots reach, through dry earth

to find their air and sun, but none more grandly mark

the true arrival of spring, like peonies do.

 

Each year, in the fall, I used to root them up, and

split them but I live in a new place now, where I have no

peonies at all - I thought I’d get one, but now I wonder,

because I need one only, and want only one, peonie.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,096

206.2

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 19 Comments

 

April 19 - STUCK IN FIRST GEAR - In answer to the question 'what if, what I want and seek, is something I already have?' is to first of all, know what it is you want.  You will never know what it is you want if you continue to look toward the horizon and say 'it must be there' and not pay attention to the ground where your feet are planted.  Hence the wise adage, "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".  In answer to the second question 'what if the things I believe will make me happiest, won't?' is... you hold the key to happiness.  No person or thing can give happiness to you.  Happiness is an internal experience that YOU allow, let out, open up, pour out from within yourself.  Happiness is in a moment...then gone.  Blander adjectives, like contentment, follow for the long term, LP, Wailuku, HI

 

 

April 19 - STUCK IN FIRST GEAR - I often wonder if you'll ever truly be content. I guess I don't understand the constant need to do more and more. What if you're missing out on the best parts of life and what you already have as you push and push for more and more. I totally understand the desire to push yourself and see what you can accomplish, but it's also lovely to sit back and bask in what's right in front of you, CK, Edmonton, AB

April 19 - STUCK IN FIRST GEAR - Sweet soulful poem today. Deep thought brings such intensity to your writing. And no, we don't need to figure it all out today, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

April 18 – WITH BOTH HANDS – re: IT . . You had another "HOME RUN" in my estimation with IT!!  I have already shared this one. Good job bud, JJ, Calgary, AB

 

April 16 - SLIP INTO THE WATER -  I read your column for the walk report with Gusta – and feel compelled to comment that I am put off by you often insulting small breed dogs – if you know anything about dogs, you know that they all have personality – regardless of size of breed – the small ones often having more personality than the large breeds – I have had both and a variety throughout my life and the little long haired dachshund that I have now, is the most interesting and opinionated animal I’ve ever met – even more than my golden retriever previous – so until you’ve had a small dog, you shouldn’t comment negatively or as if they don’t matter – cause they do – just as much – still a heartbeat at your feet, ?

STUCK IN FIRST GEAR - Mark’s Musing Monday, Apr. 19, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 4C/39F, sunny and calm, kids boarding buses, Gusta running hard (cranky with me for ignoring her too much this weekend), the calm of this morning – Monday especially, gets my motor running, anxious to leap into the week following needed R & R - golf with friends yesterday – 18 holes walked at McKenzie Meadows before storm clouds threatened; early wind died, everyone had a good time, there was a birdie on my card, happy day, lucky me.

 

‘Perhaps life is just that . . . a dream and a fear.’ – Joseph Conrad

 

I think we all tend to continue doing what we tend to do, out of habit, out of comfort – without as much logical thought as we would apply to any problem we needed to solve.  I often wonder, as I look at sticky notes on my mirror – if the models for how I live my life, market my services, manage my relationships are wrong?  You know, good ideas, noble motives, but the wrong structure, focus and expectation paradigm.

 

Random thoughts about how I work; someone commented to me that they liked me but couldn’t handle someone who functioned on my level (I think it was a nice way of criticizing my speed and direction .. which I think is forward, fast and furious) – but seriously, is there another level, really?  I think I came from the factory with only 2 speeds; #1 - full ahead, #2 – dead. I'm trying to stay in first gear.

 

That’s not to say there is not a time/place for moving slow … as in ‘up steep grades’ and ‘down steep grades’ . . . as in the small steps, in getting to know someone, that doesn’t tell all – or even very much.

 

We, all of us - human beings, have our vulnerabilities, failings and gifts – which offers an opportunity for people to discover new things about themselves, about each other – building the sticky stuff, that connective tissue what holds things together in easy times and which is absolutely critical in tough times (being alone, that quality is always absent).  

 

I think I miss it, and have missed it, most of my life.  It strikes me that element has been missing from most relationships I’ve ever had which says, I suppose, that it has been missing from me.

 

What if, what I want and seek is something I already have?  Then why seek it?

 

What if, the things I believe will make me happiest, won’t?  Then what am I doing?

 

It’s Monday, no need to figure it all out today, there is a full week ahead . . .

 

~~~

STUCK

What might I learn, of you,

and you of me, when we collide

on the surface, or in the depth or at

the very bottom of knowing?

 

Will I know you,

or will you know me, as we

are meant to be known, or will we

only see what our lens allows, colored

and shaded, or miss-shaped by a skewed view

of the world, or only of one person,

the one across the table or the

version in the mirror?

 

Each night I share a bed,

just a cool empty space, and me,

nobody there in the beginning, or in

the end, or when I wake up in the

middle of the night, or in the

morning when I don’t.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,120

205.6

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

WITH BOTH HANDS - Mark’s Musing Sunday Apr. 18, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about the video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

 

Morning walk: 11C/52F, partly cloudy, steady breeze, lots of people out doing yard cleanup, great golfing day shaping up (I’ll ignore that thundershower prediction); last night was the first time it has been warm enough to open a window for months, great to wake up to a little chilly fresh air . .

 

Partly cloudy day – disposition sunny, listening to Taylor reminds how important having a friend can be, extraordinary John Prine’s In Spite of Ourselves with newspapers and coffee (leftover spicy shrimp satay stir-fry for breakfast!) good enough to make anyone smile on any cloudy day, or, alter your perspective on finding a path through life (yes, the stir fry was THAT good). Another of Prine’s I like is Lake Marie which is more than a great song with sausages in it. If Prine’s your thing, try Fish and Whistle. If you really want a lazy day inside, check out 27 minute poetry singing by Natalie Merchant (if really keen, check out E.E. Cummings’ ‘maggie, milli, mollie and may’ - starts at 7:48).

 

Perspective, is mine; if no one speaks to me to say ‘hey, what are you doing?’, then I go along my merry path un-interrupted, without a requirement to explain or response to someone complaining about me or my point of view.  Some days it’s different than that.  Yesterday someone asked me some pointed questions – you know, that kind that linger and hang there. I could ignore them, but somehow I think that would be a mistake.

 

I could ignore the source, not respond; but I might lose something/someone worth knowing, so I have been examining some things - formulating response.  Not easy moments – deserving reflection, examination, and I like that (except when I don’t which is through the whole process). Do you ever get that?  Someone asks questions, they stand alone – need answering – even if you never talk to that person again, the question deserves my answer to me. I hate that.  I could avoid the person, avoid answering - but they cast these complex shadows that don’t go away.

 

Up one day, down the next – that’s the way the world works sometimes.  I am – really I am - interested in learning and growing – but really, real dialogue . . . deep, personal, with someone I don’t know well; can that be a good thing, a wake up call, or time to flee - which?

 

‘Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.’ – Mitchell

Kapor

 

IT, information technology, and all that attendant jargon – bits, bytes, gigs of this/that – I love technology; it can help us find just about anything we want unless we want answers to important questions, and then, sometimes, I can’t find one with both hands.

 

 

What to do? Avoid that person, the questions, both, neither. I hate that.  Hard choices, hard answers, hard questions.  I hate that.  But there is something very good about that.  The questions. The question asker.  Ahh..yes, the answers.  Well I’ll prepare them and I’ll send them – perhaps ask some too, to get an answer. 

 

 

~~~

IT

Longing for IT, eager for IT, there is a

time to play at IT - and time to work at

IT when there is difficulty coping, without IT,

awkwardness, talking of IT to strangers

but really, isn’t IT just as important to

our life as eating well or toileting right or

the brushing of teeth and for

getting a haircut?

 

Doing IT, in morning, at night or in

middle of the afternoon doesn’t  matter

much if you don’t care much for your

partner in IT, but when you care much,

there seems to be no beginning to IT,

or end to IT, because IT seems to run

on and on like this long sentence without

regard to when the sun comes up and the

rooster crows, or as sunsets casts its gold

glow upon IT, the afterglow of IT.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,144

205.6

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 17 Comments

 

April 17 – GLACIER ON A MOUNTAINSIDE – Thanks for including me in your mail out, and giving me a taste of the Big Mark along with the curiosity, vulnerability and Not-all-knowing Mark. Humans are indeed complex and wonderful creatures.  I discovered the paradox of 'everything matters' and 'nothing matters' in my twenties and am still trying to figure out how to live that dance!  Recently on PBS there was a programme on The Buddha and it was wonderful, as I watched it, feeling and holding the Buddhist paradox of 'all is impermanent/all is illusion' and the incredible capacity for 'compassion/concern/happiness in simplicity' that they have. I listened to some of your music selections (I love jazz and classical), and like the way you express yourself, Aloha, L, Haiku, HI

 

April 17 – GLACIER ON A MOUNTAINSIDE - Your offering today is a masterpiece. I have no quarrel with it, or embellishment. Well done!, EG, Calgary, AB

GLACIER ON A MOUNTAINSIDE - Mark’s Musing Saturday Apr. 17, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, Gusta running hard with clumps of her winter coat aching to be plucked (big brushing later!) as a lazy hazy horizon greeted calm, sunshine and me …. The paths quiet, usual dog walkers absent . . . now I am off to pick up my dad for an outing to get his new glasses

 

Dawn comes, makes me feel young; the moment we wake, race is on, get through each day – even over slow Saturday morning breakfast, Mutter’s rendition of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons playing loud, I feel urge to get going – taste flavor I want, taste this day - to accomplish something rather than just observe life happening around me. 

 

Life presents things, around which no decision is to be made – we simply accept the reality. Case in point: earth erupts without notice most of the time, unless it is show-stopper (ie: Iceland volcano) time.  What other event could shut down air travel in Europe without a shot fired, without a body count . . ?

 

No human touch required to cause volcano or its ash to do their thing – no human activity is going to stop it. We are reminded as CNN et al fill living rooms with news - how do many millions cope with such event, the cost, the impact?  I find it amusing, with all the hoo-haa about global warming, that when the earth speaks, we get to stand by and watch – helpless to some degree, but mostly just not required. The earth, is not in a hurry to start or end anything … perhaps a message to us all.

 

What about any other day – just garden variety eruptions and ash, minor earthquakes and tsunamis that never arrive? Aren’t they like a river flowing for millions of years eroding rocks, or a glacier moving across the landscape doing the same?

 

Examples suggest there is little, in terms of BIG STUFF, we can fix. Maybe that’s why we tend focus much on little stuff, because humans (or maybe just the A-type men) have some drive to fix something - anything, to feel meaningful to someone about something without being left, sad and crying, about something we can neither control or change or help with.  

 

Truth is clear – we can; most little stuff we can fix has huge implications.  Try shaking the hand of a stranger in the room, or lifting someone out of a gutter.  Try smiling (or even flirting) with someone who has a constant craving for something while feeling alone and not so valued, or to encourage a child to do well . . . things we can do over and over with continued good result.

 

Sometimes we hit a wall, or denial makes us feel we are up against one – but it is usually not a real wall or a real obstacle to anything, but something in our mind prevents us from being here – right now – in the present. Deepak Chopra’s Seven Laws of Spiritual Success preaches consciousness (present moment awareness) as he does in most of his books.  

 

Thinking rooted in being really clear on who we are, what our deepest hopes, dreams, desires and motivating factors really are – and when we get clear on those, it is easy to navigate through a day by measuring each choice against clearly held values and beliefs. To be genuine, have your heart in it. 

 

That’s all.  There is no date with destiny, just our nose at some grindstone – like glacier on mountainside, that’s how we move mountains. We can rush, but since the world’s not in a hurry, why are we?

 

~~~

THIS SATURDAY

How can I begin; if I start this day, the same

way, end up, as I expect, with a different day?

 

No muffin or green eggs, no ham; neither eggs

nor bacon or toasted brown – I need a change.

 

This morning; I want to be all I can, somehow

different than I’ve been before. But how?

 

Banana, some blueberry juice, a cookie, and

a coffee chaser will not get me very far.

 

Lunch, far off; better stoke – with another cookie,

and coffee chaser for the car, I’ll get to noon.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,168

205.8

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 16 Comments

April 16 – SLIP INTO THE WATER –  Hi Mark: I agree that sometimes it is useful to throw our mistakes overboard and start on new ones.  Something to be said about cleaning a new mess.  Some problems are not necessarily meant to be fixed and may simply serve the purpose as reminders or an opportunity for change.  Life is much simpler than it appears.  Hope you are OK, PL, Calgary, AB

April 16 – SLIP INTO THE WATER -  A brilliant blog, meaty, substantive, satisfying quotes to fill a hungry soul. I saved it in my favorites file to use in my women's personal growth workshops. I agree with FO, who I wish could be in my inner circle of wise girlfriends, "Your thinking is clear and strong."  - SW, Coeur d'Alene, ID 

SLIP INTO THE WATER - Mark’s Musing Friday Apr. 16, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -3C/26F (but a big 20F predicted this afternoon!), brilliant sunshine following a night of nessun dorma (none shall sleep) we woke to Pavarotti at his best; then out we journeyed, familiar path, mountains hugging distant hazy horizon, looking smaller than usual … Gusta paid attention only to a pair of white lap dogs (I never learn the names of the little breeds… what’s the point?) that looked the size of lunch snacks being herded by a scowling owner/custodian … so we decided not to be his friend.

 

‘Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

 

It occurs to me that we are possibly destined to repeat things – ones we didn’t get right, to repeat them again and again – each time, taking a new lesson from that experience, putting some new footprint on the measurement of the moment, some nuance that will, once and for all, keep us from repeating experiences that fail us, over and over, again and again.

 

It is great to know this, but do we really learn - or is it just an excuse, a style point, of avoiding reality? In matters of work errors, business errors, writing errors, judgment errors, relationship blunders and love mishaps.  All, are for repeating, all are for getting right one day and one day, I’ll get them right.

 

Sometimes we need to work on a problem, but then sometimes, it is better to throw our mistakes overboard and start over on new ones.  They may be just as flawed in the end, but we will have not wasted time trying to fix the unfixable.

 

Trying on new people, like trying on new gloves and using new tools at the same time – we want to see if they fit, and we try them out, to see if they work.

 

‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.’ – C.S. Lewis

 

I have found some peace – or it has found me - an easier peaceful feeling about me these days; I’ve learned it from someone, maybe I’ll teach it to someone else – or possibly just give it away if it feels uncomfortable after a while, but for now it feels good.  Like a soft old sweater.  What am I?  I am happy.  To say that; just that, that I am happy.

 

Anything is possible. Everything is possible.  Nothing is possible.  Choose only one.

 

Someone interesting is coming my way, from over the horizon; new experience, fresh perspective – fresh ideas brought to each other, counter-point and zest for something.  Meeting new people is like visiting the swimming hole. Some people dive in, jump out and leave. Others step in slowly, toe, foot, leg . . one at a time, while others slip into the water as if they are part of the water itself and they don’t need to find their way out, because they feel right at home.

 

~~~

WHEN WE KNOW

Treatment, of each other, in polite conversation is fine,

until we speak, say what we truly mean – as we would confide

to another, about the first party when talking to the third

party without expectation these parties might ever meet.

 

That, then, is what we really think; so, why don’t we, talk

more directly, to them, as we talk about them – let them know

if we are off-hand or not, kind or not, loving or not, or if we

are fair or not; that way, they’ll know how we feel?

 

That is when we know, that if we talk more favorably,

about someone, behind their back, than we do to their face,

that we need to work on what we say directly, to be clear

so this oft used technique does not bite.

 

The others, well, we didn’t think much of them anyway, so

we best focus our attention on those we truly respect most,

most of the time – leaving others, to choose others, on their

own, to revise their methods, or not, without us.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,192

294.6

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 15 Comments

 

April 15 – THAT WHICH MATTERS MOST –   Accidental fortune, accident of birth - many days and nights I have wondered about the peculiar string of events which ended up in my very existence and my place on this planet.  As you said, some choices were made by me after my birth.  Many and perhaps the most irrefutable choices were made before I drew my first breath.  Chance?  Fate? Unbelievably good luck?  Perhaps the answer to why some are born to good fortune and others to misery is in the end less important than the question you ask.  "What are you going to do with this life?"   More morning showers here on Molokai.  our neglected grass is so high the kitties become invisible except for the movement of the tassels way above them. Your thinking is clear and strong...I'm glad. Enjoy your day, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

April 15 – THAT WHICH MATTERS MOST -  Dear Mark:  I am getting way too blond!!!  Thank you for your voice mail..was it Sunday ?? Gong show this weekend...55th birthday party Fri , Gala Sat & my son's Birthday dinner Sunday.  Thank you for your thoughtful inquiry about the Gala...it was a lovely evening and we raised $155,000.00 for the Cancer Society. Much work, but well worth the outcome.  We have our final debriefing meeting tonight. I will call you tomorrow and we can have a wee chat. Thanks for thinking of me ...I always feel blessed to be a part of your thoughts.  Fondly, JH, Kelowna, BC

 

April 15 – THAT WHICH MATTERS MOST -  Good afternoon poet laureate of the internet. I'm in Alberta arriving on the weekend and departing April 18. Let's do lunch. My schedule is light but I have a few commitments, especially April 19. What's your telephone #?, FD, Owen Sound, ON

 

April 14 – ROAST TWO CHICKENS - You are certainly an Existentialist and I thought you would gather some insight from this article.  Also, you had mentioned writing about "100 ways to get to your goals" and thought you might really enjoy reading Steve Chandler's "100 Ways to Motivate Yourself" .  I have his 1996 version and I believe it's been revised and republished...I know you would find it a very good read!  Again, thanks for your insights, SY, Honolulu, HI

 

April 14/15 – THAT WHICH MATTERS MOST/ ROAST TWO CHICKENS - "If I am really serious about my priorities, I can have no time for anything that doesn't connect to my search for the truth or aid my journey."  I pondered same in past days wedging 2 hours of work into every 1 yet still falling short of prioritization. The pinball machine flashed "tilt".   But reading these articles rights the boat ............ and you  really must suffix that phrase, Mark, with "or aid the journey of another".   Sometimes in the pursuit of one's goals, and while trudging the path to achieve the same, one finds that he may inadvertently cast off motivation, guidance or inspiration.  Thanks again. My workday will begin with a skip in my step and a gleam in my eye.  And no one will be the wiser as to why I will be smiling behind the projects piled high on my desk, LAR, Winnipeg, MB

THAT WHICH MATTERS MOST - Mark’s Musing Thursday Apr. 15, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -2C/27F, sunny, calm, trash day smells invigorate Gusta and helicopter rotor flopping sounds pierced our quiet trip down the trail . . . mountain splendor stretched out like a living room mural . . .

 

When the tally is done, at the end of our working lives, or at the end of us, surely that which matters most will be whether or not we mattered, or were relevant, or mattered to someone – without so much regard to whether we felt self-satisfied with the results.   I’ve been doing less starting, more finishing - taking up less space and time to do more that is worth doing – and picking some things, and truly finishing them.

 

My pursuits, are clear – family, dog, lifestyle, writing, golf, cooking, finding the right partner, making something different in the world that will last longer than I do and have lasting value. That’s all. That’s all I want. And, I want it all.

 

The world has changed.  Have you?

 

Everything – nearly everything – has changed; technology the prime culprit, but not the only one.  Slowly, generation after generation, other things have changed that have little to do with technology other than that technology will tell us about it faster. Instead of reading old news in a thick newspaper, we get it instantly online without anyone checking facts or relevance. We (meaning the collective ‘we’) gobble it up. ‘Did you want fries with that?’ … is far removed from our instant gratification appetite. We want it all, now, and we want the changes that will benefit us, and society, but does that mean it is good, valid, important or will last longer than an ice cream cone on a hot day?

 

We are all selfish; we want what is good for us first, family second, friends third, community fourth, the rest of the world …. fifth, or more often, dead last.  This is understandable, sitting here in a safe and prosperous country on a sunny day – but for most of the world it is an idle luxury I don’t deserve. I am here, rather than somewhere else, by an accident of birth and chance rather than by deliberate choice.  The folks on the news, dealing with an earthquake, eruptions of earthquakes or unrest, disease or poverty – where are they?  Do their lives matter, what are their priorities, what is the relevance of how they live their lives … to them, and to us?  In this regard, it might be more accurate to say that the world has NOT changed very much at all, and the signs of change are small and largely inconsequential. 

 

We are, as always, somewhere in the crucible of change – often unclear about which thing, idea, policy or trend is the next hula-hoop … or the next Berlin Wall coming down.   I have changed – but probably far less than I would like to think – as I press against ideas, bump into principles and wrestle with issues and people who have those ideas, principles and issues with different slants than mine.

 

Public morality has changed, truth is mistakenly used for so many things which are ‘believed by someone to be true . .. maybe’, how we treat each other and respect the struggles of others have changed, gender roles have shifted at the speed of tectonic plates – not fast, but lots of tremors – and the way we regard our family roles has shifted greatly which is probably more attributable to public policy changes in the 50s and 60s (social security, medicare etc) than the fascination with You Tube and Twitter.

 

If I am really serious about my priorities, I can have no time for anything that doesn’t connect to my search for the truth or aid my journey.

 

Meanwhile, another struggle continues - having my body-clock out of whack (again) has led me to examine what matters from new angles; doing less thinking and planning around starting and finishing - to actually changing something.

 

~~~

IN SEARCH OF IT ALL

I'm looking for... sassy, I’m looking for fire, I’m looking

to push the limit, need a challenge, not ready to settle

for just anything; I’m one of a kind and know what I want.

 

Open minded to other people’s ways, I do not push my

point of view on them, but won’t be interested long

if they don’t have a point of view, raison d’être of

their own, and possess some ability to defend it.

 

Honest opinion, openness and kindness do not always

mesh like fine gears no matter how much humor is

added - yet, I’ll know it when I see it.

 

Right now my eyes are peeled (really, what does

that phrase mean?) in search of something between

a one night wonder and a life filled with wonder,

I wonder if I’ll find her, or she me  . . . 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,216

204.0

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

April 14 Comments

 

April 14 – ROAST TWO CHICKENS – Include Thomas Merton to your dinner party guest list and I'll come too!  In fact...I will even bring the pupus!, LP, Wailuku, HI

 

April 14 – ROAST TWO CHICKENS - I just had to chuckle when I read FO’s note.  And here I thought the doctor said the stress test was normal! Don’t think I could ever refer to you as normal…it would never be!, SC, Lake George, NB

April 14 – ROAST TWO CHICKENS - So – I would have to say Kirkegaard, Simone de Beauvoir, Hildegaard bon Bingen; My daughters love to play a game at dinner and ask guests the questions – if you could invite any historical person for dinner (the prerequisite is they must no longer be of this world), who would it be? Why? What would you serve? It’s a great game!  Just like life.  Fun, entertaining and enlightening. Good post.  Thanks for dropping by mine today – the world moves in mysterious ways, LG, Calgary, AB

April 14 – ROAST TWO CHICKENS - Enjoyed today’s column – thanks.  Used to have a version of a Gusta with the same coat – we’d take him out to a field and help him get rid of some of that undercoat – brushing and gently tugging, leaving the soft white bunches for the birds to use to line their nests.  Whoever or whatever took it away, what we had left behind of him was gone in two days. As I walked my two best dog-friends yesterday, I was amazed to be able to enjoy the reason that Sarah and Rufus kept lifting their noses into the wind.  In less than 24 hours, the scent carried by the wind had changed from the aroma of winter and early spring decay and dust in the field to a sweet scent of new shoots of green grass and sap rising in the trees down the bank.  What a gift! JW-Calgary/Cochrane, AB

 

ROAST TWO CHICKENS - Mark’s Musing Wednesday Apr. 14, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 4C/39F, overcast, early shower came, went, but strong wind persists (for warmer days to arrive we must pay a transition price); Gusta’s coat, so rag-tag, shedding clumps, leaving behind what she no longer needs, trimming for spring.

 

Writing - my raison d’être – some days seems my only reason for being or, better said, my only way to explain my reason for being.  Facing facts, being me, who I am, seems to be leading to some place; I’ll see how the journey goes. I’ll report back.  I won’t race, I don’t want to miss anything or anyone . . .

 

Contradictions of what I think about/care about – when I attempt to reconcile them with my own actions – realizing my reality, and my future, is of my own creation – to see that the world around me, as much as the tiny one close to me, is my own doing; to conclude that we are all the creators as well as the inhabit-eurs of our own lives . . . welcome to my brain – playground of ideas, sweatshop of struggle, dreamer, journeyer, cook, lover of women, son, father, over-grown five year old, writer, friend, marketer, worker bee – a place for facing reality and passions blended with some cling to idealism - let that be my epitaph.

 

Wikipedia, of existentialism: described a term applied to the work of a number of  19^th and 20^th century philosophers, held that the focus of philosophical thought should be to deal with the conditions of existence of the individual person and their emotions, actions, responsibilities, and thoughts.

 

Kierkegaard, generally regarded as the first existential philosopher, maintained the individual is solely responsible for giving their own life meaning and living that life passionately and sincerely, in spite of many obstacles and distractions including despair, angst, absurdity, alienation and boredom.  Kierkegaard gets me. Why can’t everyone else?

 

‘One always dies too soon – or too late. And yet one’s whole life is complete at that moment, with a line drawn neatly under it, ready for the summing up. You are – your life, and nothing else.’ – Jean-Paul Sartre

 

The next time I roast a chicken, it might be fun to have a dinner party – invite Kierkegaard, Neitzche, Sartre and de Beauvoir and others like them, or perhaps a group of friends to play those parts.  I can imagine the discussion. OK, for that, I’d roast two chickens.

 

~~~

EXISTENCE

There is a limit to all of us, and if we don’t push it,

or stretch ourselves into shapes we don’t know,

then we’ll fall far short of where we might have been.

 

We’ll stop, end, completed; we will be whole, but we

won’t have gone down any road worth going down

or dared stand against any demon who stood in our way.

 

After all, what’s life for if we can’t do that and stand

tall, proud of what we’ve done, happy to be known

for who we were and what we’ve done without

regard to what we never dreamed or never tried.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,240

203.8

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 13 Comments

 

April 13 – TEST RESULTS – Interesting...to me, what buried memories your words trigger, about times when I have felt prepared or unprepared.  Each is the opposite face of a single coin, like heads or tails.  One memory is of feeling smug about having all the ducks lined up when a human tornado came roaring through, throwing ideas out everywhere, scattering the ducks.  It was one of those moments when one choice is to realign the ducks, the other is to step outside the box, reach out to the ideas and blend the useful ones into a new and delightful concept with a huge WOW factor.  I prefer the latter, but admit to occasions when the box felt safer. When you find the manual on Preparedness, I am definitely torn on whether I’d like to borrow it....or not.  JW-Calgary/Cochrane, AB

 

April 13 – TEST RESULTS – I have to laugh at your 'interview'…I was very guilty of that while I online dated for six years -mostly due to how many guys told 'lies' about everything from their height and weight, to their jobs etc.  Reality check…you will probably meet sometime so be honest.  At least the fellow told her about his past when he met her, it would be hard to hear later in a relationship when you might have developed feelings for that person.  Obviously she doesn't read your musings or she would already know so much more about you.  SR, Calgary, AB

 

April 13 – TEST RESULTS – To be unprepared or prepared is just a perception. And, as it was once explained to me, if perceived, then it is a reality for someone. If you are unprepared an opportunity may not be taken advantage of and you may miss it all together. Being prepared, allows you to seize the opportunity when given. Now some people may call that “luck”, but I view it as being prepared, DK, Edmonton, AB

 

April 13 – TEST RESULTS – so glad doc says you are normal.  a huge relief to you and those who care for you, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

TEST RESULTS - Mark’s Musing Tuesday Apr. 13, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -1C/29F, a little more light snow overnight, foggy start (like walking through a wall of water that wasn’t falling) now gone away, gray puffy lid on the day so far; Gusta came back soaked in need of a good rub-down.

 

While I doubt I could stand a life of continued blissful uninterrupted happiness, it would be nice to try for a while . . . a week would be nice, but maybe just a day. That would be as not-normal as I can imagine.

 

‘Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.’ – George Bernard Shaw

 

The call came, early yesterday; my doctor’s office advising my stress test results came back normal, and therefore my appointment for today is cancelled.  Normal. And time freed up, for today. Lucky me. [I’ve written before, I am not anything close to normal ]

 

I had a good laugh last evening. I was meeting someone who was, for lack of better terms, interviewing me.  She was rattled about a guy she’d met who was an ex-con.  It seems he had served time for attempted-murder.  I thought out loud, ‘well, he obviously wasn’t very good at it’.  She laughed.  I think she’s still rattled, and wondering now how weird I must be.  I thought it was a normal reaction.

 

Unexpected happens.  Today will be filled with it.  Are you prepared?

 

Is it more, or less, normal - to be prepared, or to be unprepared?

 

Really, how could you, or I, be prepared for the unexpected. 

 

We have enough trouble preparing for the obvious expected things – how could we possibly be ready for the unexpected and, once those unexpected things arrive, how could we distinguish between that which is good for us and that which is not.  If you buy my argument, then being unprepared is normal.     And, then, my feeling unprepared is normal; that must be good, right?

 

We have a history, a life, series of events from which we learn very little and which produces little insight we actually use to help us in future.

 

Unsure if the last thirty years were a waste, or completely necessary, I suspect the later; plus, it gives me comfort because the idea of having wasted a large chunk of my life is discouraging at best and downright depressing otherwise. Think about that for a little while.  Now THAT, is a stress test.

 

This argument in my head - rages, then ebbs to unimportance. then comes back to rage again, as if like a series of waves coming to shore with a cycle of high intensity through low intensity and back again. Yup, ‘LIFE SPENT’, that will be my epitaph.  

 

It could be for every one of us, but spent doing what?

 

As I recognize my contemporaries entering or contemplating retirement, a generation of fatigued boomers ready to hang up their skates, I feel more ready than ever to start things. Obviously, my doctor thinks I’m good to go. So do I.

 

It will be something unexpected, there could be no other answer.  The argument is clear; have value or not, add value or not, make a difference or not, solve a problem or not, change the world or not, leave a legacy or not, fix something or not. 

 

M application for enjoyment, resume of capability, sits atop life’s pile, somewhere - I am best at something. Truly I am.  Best - at being me.  What are you best at?

 

My test results are normal.  I was hoping they would be funny, or that I would get an A.  I remember getting papers back in school with scrawled red notations of ‘good job’, ‘much improved’, ‘you can do better’ or ‘needs work’ . . . but test results never came back marked ‘normal’.

 

Much improved, needs work, you can do better – that’s me.

 

~~~

EVALUATION

Life’s day to day sounds deafen, they

drown it out, then suffocate those

whimpers, from corners of our hopes

and dreams as we search for value, for

reason, every season, to make life work.

 

The purpose of life, oft debated, is less

clear to me even than the present value

of life because we so often look around to

find the value, in drawers and in rooms.

 

We look on the driveways and at our

financial statements without any real

appreciation that it’s truest value – its

highest and best use is found within us.

 

Housed within our character, lurking, there

to be brought out by our best acts and our

best friends, standing by, holding mirrors

for us to see, real net worth, of you, and me.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,264

205.2

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 12 Comments

 

April 12 – WISDOM IN 4 MINUTES – I must say that I too, enjoy the concept and practice of eating dessert first. I too, find I am scrolling down to see the poem of the day and I do like today's poem, PG, Calgary, AB

 

April 12 – WISDOM IN 4 MINUTES – Pablo [Pablo Neruda: I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.] has lovely poems, even when translated.  I have a little book of 49 "love poems" written by him.  Those South American types are truly obsessed and if makes for interesting words. Got a nice comment from an old high school friend on the 55 chevy story you published.  You are good to me for providing and encouraging a reason to organize my thoughts and feelings, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

WISDOM IN 4 MINUTES - Mark’s Musing Monday Apr. 12, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -3C/26F, wet streets, light snow overnight and more flakes swirling, Gusta and I witnessed the ugliest mongrel bulldog we’ve ever seen, and moved on though he seemed interested in dating Gusta, while, as for his owner, she seemed quiet disinterested in me.

 

‘I went to a café that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.’ – Stephen Write

 

A great happy Monday wish for a day filled with more energy than you can imagine . . . and then a wish that you imagine even more. Imagine what you might find.  There are few truly renaissance men in the world, but no one better fits that description in the world of business than excellence guru Tom Peters.

 

If you do NOTHING else today to advance yourself professionally, I urge you to invest four minutes, yes – get wisdom in 4 minutes.  I get Tom Peters newsletter each month (you can sign up for free); I’ve long been a fan of his seminars and books. He has a short video you can link to (just scroll down a bit to the video …. and if you scroll further down, you’ll find several audio segments of him reading from his latest book The Little BIG Things  …very instructive stuff!!); but, if you have only four minutes to watch the video, you might find a most instructive piece about a very important 18 second insight.

 

I’m working on a little project – generating some ideas; my target, to identify 100 ways to get me where I am going, then focus on one a day for 100 days . . . the bathroom mirror is littered with yellow-stickies and lists . . . the formula is elusive, but I’m cooking up something my lav lab . . .

 

Morning’s focus – mine – is on talking less, listening more, understanding more, explaining less, doing more, thinking less, working up a sweat rather than working out a problem. Today will be light, I will be effective at something I know and something I don’t know; I’ll greet my future and my past, I’ll look forward and gaze back at the same time, I’ll try for some vision – the bifocal view of what is right in front of me, and the future that is out there somewhere near the horizon.

 

~~~

NOT SAD AT ALL

It is now part of me, it shows up when I

need it, stows easily, will travel well and

I'll not leave home without it. It is part of

you, in me, as I go along, forever changed.

 

I'm no bundle of hopeless unrequited

love; yet I’ve learned more about love

from you, about you, through you and by

loving you than I've ever learned before.

 

 

Please don't be sad because I think and

talk and write of how I feel, for if you'd

never written, I would never have ever

crossed your path, let alone known you.

 

That doesn't mean new love isn't around

the corner - it quite possibly is, but whether

it is or isn't, there is a quality now, in me

that I didn’t have before you put it there.

 

You, who've brought me so much joy, and

love and experience that could never be

duplicated, regularly amazes me, so I ask

you now, how could I be sad about that ? 

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,288

205.6

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

April 11 Comments

 

April 11 – VERY LATE AT NIGHT –  In Praise of Poetry........... Ok.  I'll admit it. Your poetry has been so inviting,..... insightful, .... intriguing .... comforting ..... inspiring ... that I've lately skimmed to the end of your daily words to read the poetry first  But that's just me.  I also enjoy starting my meals with dessert!, LAR, Winnipeg … P.S. [Particularly the poem of Friday April 9 ‘FROM HERE’ .  There may be other romantic men about ....... but none I have met who can, will or do share their feelings so insightfully. I thought twice about putting the following words forth , knowing most of your inbox gets posted verbatim. The best memory I keep of having dessert first...... was starting the day, with a session in the boudoir. Nothing could energize me more for the day than that. Not to mention allowing me to skip blush on the cheeks when doing morning makeup. Wishing you a peaceful evening.  Full of "first" choices]. 

 

VERY LATE AT NIGHT - Mark’s Musing Sunday Apr. 11, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -9C/15F, light cloud, calm and cold – Gusta didn’t mind a run as we avoided chirping lap dogs and aggressive husky types; weather squashed golfing plans today. Maybe next weekend.

 

Some days, nights, early mornings - I feel I have nothing.   While I can argue this is true, the truth is that I really do have a lot.  Feelings fill up boxes, memories fill trucks, and experiences fill houses, but sorting what I have from what I have not, often comes early in morning (or maybe just very late at night), where the impossible and possible meet, the dotted line between them crosses over me about 3AM; the cause, last night, uncertain – maybe lingering elements of a movie, or a dinner conversation … thoughts of how I’ve not let go of something that seems to have not let go of me.

 

Flick recommendation: SB and I caught Chloe, by Atom Egoyan last night – interesting issues to mull, some very memorable scenes; chicken curry dish at Earl’s afterward, not so highly recommended.  Deep long sleep + wake up music - Horowitz plays Rachmaninoff: Prelude Op. 23 No. 5 got my motor running, Horowitz playing Chopin’s Polonaise roused me more.

 

There is someone out there, just waiting for me – because it couldn’t be just NOTHING, could it?  There is an idea, out there, just waiting for me – because it couldn’t be just NOTHING, could it? There is an opportunity, out there, just waiting for me – because it couldn’t be just NOTHING, could it?

 

Every now and again, life brings experiences we cannot change, or want to, to show us a new way, to set the bar higher than it has been set before – and then, I believe, we spend the rest of our life looking for another bar just that high, or perhaps a little bit higher. 

 

I think I’m prone to doing this - I have my own samples, and know well the struggle of some dear friends, as they wrestle this same demon, somewhat self destructively, because, really, how could that bar ever be that high again? 

 

I know, down deep, I’ve had some moments at the high bar – precious keepsakes, and maybe that’s my life’s magic, maybe there isn’t more. Is that enough then, to have a tiny pillow and pair of jeans on a shelf with faint hope their owner might be back one day?

 

I may, in very literal terms have ‘little or nothing’, to show for so much, but sometimes I believe we must cherish the little things we have, and hold onto them as if they are everything because we may never ever get another chance at that . .  .

 

You’ve heard the term, bad timing. I’ve often wondered – ‘is this not just the perfect situation, if it weren’t for lousy timing?’; re-think always makes me wonder if it’s the thing/situation/person that is wrong, or if timing is just the excuse.  But, what if I am wrong?  Can I afford to give up on a win, toss aside success or forego a spectacular life - simply because of timing?

 

Late at night sometimes, when I need someone to hold, I dream of what I need, I wonder about timing, about what I have, and what I have not.  And then I remember what I’ve had, and I have had so much already, how dare I ask for more? I have had everything a reasonable person should have, but I have more to give. Giving love away is not a whole equation … every half needs its other half … but till then, I’ll lay awake on starry nights.

~~~

HAVING NOT

There is not wisdom in confidence, nor

does ignorance live in arrogance but there

is something to being sure of something,

because there is so much to be unsure of.

 

Pride in having virtues and having things is

good, I think, because everyone wants those

things and feelings but the trick, I think, is

to have those feelings while having not.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,312

205.2

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 10 Comments

 

April 10 – THEY COME TRUE BY DOING – You hit upon a very central question  in the lives of each of us.... How far are we willing to dig to find out what we really want, and/or what is best for us, and how we can determine that, and then what are we prepared to give up to reach that potential? Many of the most successful people of history gave up their families, or didn't have families at all, forsaking all else for their overwhelming ambition. Most of us are not prepared to do this, and it is problematical whether we should be, EG, Calgary, AB