today’s Musing written and published from
[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]
Morning walk: -1C/29F, sun just coming up to warm those buds that are starting to leaf out sparingly . .
Searching on-line – recently I went looking for a woman for me (serious deliberate effort producing mixed results), and I searched this morning for music to fit my mood – this happy elusiveness space between joy I’d thought might be within my grasp but perhaps it is out of reach just now, hoping to find it described in songs or quotes – of dreams realized, or dashed, along the bumpy road of life - not in a love song or sad and blue Ray Charles song Buble style. I’ve not been finding it (maybe I should write it??) – because the world seems stuck between sad songs and glad songs … from Crazy ballads to Ronan Keating love songs to insensitive Jann Arden classics … so maybe the better tune for me this morning is Paul Mauriat’s classic or some Titanic idea . . . wherever you are, you don’t know me.
Readiness I feel (felt?), like sprinter in starting block, gun’s report about to set me off, but not so fast, this marathon’s no sprint – far more than 26 miles, 385 yards - adventure will cross mountain ranges, monster desserts and oceans of ooey-gooey challenges – some metaphor for life, or Dairy Queen sundae . . or some foggy early morning seawall walk.
Strange space in my morning brain - part empty, part container waiting to be filled. I didn’t make up the story – it happened, but it included snippets of real (what someone said, or wrote) and the rest of the story was in the wishes, hopes and dreams quadrant of my brain – somewhat like Richard Dreyfus’s character in American Graffiti, mesmerized by beautiful woman/white T-bird, fleeting elusive glimpses of her through opera window, coming and going without notice – leaving behind a mysterious longing for something/someone he neither new or could hope to understood. I could play that part really well, but I doubt there will be a movie made called Canadian Graffiti for the boomer-set - middle-aged boy chases beautiful dream girl – but fun to laugh about.
Happiness is not measured on a scale of 1-10, is it (check out the part toward the end – 20 min. - Jonathan Harris collects stories, a TED talk)? If it was and even if I only held 1 balloon, I would be happy, and on my balloon, the words ‘finding a woman to love me, one who truly gets me’ would be printed.
I want to keep writing, till I die - maybe longer, to tell stories worth telling, meet people worth knowing, do things worth doing – so I never reach a point in life where I will not want to be holding at least one balloon.
Someone sent me these words this morning: ‘The universe will send your way what is right and true for you for this moment in your time.’
I went looking for a quote to describe how I feel, but finding none that fit, but surely this is not a feeling that hasn’t come, and gone, before for someone else – it can’t be unique to me, can it? The best I’ve found yet, is in John Prine’s In Spite Of Ourselves ….. I think I’ll go scramble some eggs now.
~~~
Q AND A
Q. - Why do we search, and what do we search for as we
seek to love? Do we, search for it because it is out there,
waiting for us to find it, or is it in us bursting to get out,
to flourish and be spread when we find someone
to give it to?
A. - We search for love because we need love, to give love,
to get love and to live a life full of love because we feel
empty without love. Two things, so elusive, but not
exclusive – each from the other; from what we want and
why we want it.
Q. - If we have it in us, don’t we have it to give to all
those around us, whether or not they love us in return
and whether or not they are THE ONE we seek, to be
paired with, because if we are not whole ourselves, what
can we pretend to give?
A. Life thrives, people thrive, animals thrive – we all thrive
and feel more alive - when we are in love, when we are
loved and when we love someone more than we love ourselves,
and truly, we are not capable of loving anyone unless, until
firstly, we love ourselves.
~~~
Mark Kolke
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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com
April 23 Comments
April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING – Bye Mark, thanks for your honesty. Here's my gift to you: http://www.ahalmaas.com/ , L, Haiku, HI
April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING - Our issues are universal, your goals are grand and personal. I don't know anyone who gets it all done. And yes, the truth is, we must make peace with this on that day, that last day, so that we are content, satisfied and glad to have lived this gift of life. I feel much the same way this morning, wondering how I can possibly get everything done. Well I can't. So, one step in front of the other and then dark of night will arrive and it will be time to stop. Roast beef and golf. What a good Sunday. I opened a fortune cookie the other day .It told me that ‘things are not the way they seemed’ so, if my cookie possessed innate wisdom, ‘what way are they?’ FO,
April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING - Hi Mark. I just received the most amazing orchid and I know it is from you.. I will try to call. Thank you so much - that was soooo sweet. Thank you, again, AF,
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