Mark Is Musing

WE ALL ARE, ALL THE TIME - Friday Apr. 30, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, no clouds, light breeze, yesterday’s snow/ice slurry mostly gone, brilliant sunshine - as curtain rises up on this fabulous day; Gusta enjoyed the husky-pup encounter and trying to tug a candy wrapper from it’s frozen spot in a tree well to no avail, I’m loving my start . . . with great anticipation.

 

My morning coffee music – classical guitar of Oh seung kook with a little Liona Boyd chaser, and then another by her.

 

The theatre falls dark, at the end of the day.  Are you on stage, or witness?  Is there loud cheering, or eerie quiet?

 

When each day begins, it opens like the rising curtain on our spectacular show.  There we are, centre stage – the stars of a solo performance.  The audience awaits our stage presence, poise, our opening monologue – and our finale many hours later, the in-between-parts they witness like so many flies on a very big wall.

 

They see our every distraction, our every mood and nuance. Silently they watch; imagine whether they will sit on the edge of their seats, waiting to see how the show ends. Or, they might walk out in the middle of the show, having found little to keep their interest and attention.

 

What kind of show are we staging today?  Will it be interesting, what will it teach, what will we learn?  Will we interact with our audience – or just expect their silent attention and adoration?

 

Or, is the theatre and empty hall where our thoughts and words simply echo, nobody hearing them or caring much? 

 

When day is done, as the house lights come up, will the audience rise from their seats shouting bravo! at the top of their voices.  Will we give them something to cheer about?  The answer to that is far less important than this one:

 

We are all in the audience, someone’s audience, witnessing their performance (everyone in our life/world/work), and in that role, we are sitting on the edge of our seats . . are we getting up to slip out the door quietly, or waiting for the end to give a rousing ovation?

 

Today begins . . . we are, as Shakespeare said, all players and the world is our stage.  We all walk our own stage, and at the same time, we sit in so many audiences. I do, and to all of you, I’m standing for you, cheering for you, wishing you strength in the face of every difficulty you face today. And, I cheer your triumph, each one, every one, that you achieve today.

 

Someone will be happy when we think they are sad. Someone will be mourning when we think their brave face is just normal. Someone will be dejected and try hard not to show it. Someone will have a great idea nobody wants to listen to. Somebody will be trying, very hard, to get through to you.

 

Will you be watching, listening, noticing, caring about their performance?

 

We are all in the audience. We are all on stage. We all are, all the time.

 

Some of those triumphs are really tiny, in the grand scheme of life, but so essential in your day.  A day of strength, a day of imagination, a day of courage, a day when no set of words or piece of music can describe how you feel.  Somebody will notice you today. Someone will see you, hear you, and learn from you.  To teach them, just be you – you are the star of your day. It will be a mix of comedy, tragedy, farce and grandiose soliloquy.

 

Go have a great day – it’s your show.

 

~~~

I QUESTION WHY I CAN - link to archive – The Poetry Project

 

‘Why not!’, an old school mate would answer,

when that teacher asked him, ‘Pat, why is

__________?’ which response was not so much his

excuse for not paying attention, or not knowing,

but more about not caring?

 

Sometimes we do things because we have to,

or feel driven to do them, from some gut-angst

that says we must do, or more cavalierly

because we – can do – but then what’s the fun in that,

to just do, because we can?

 

Does right, or wrong or sense of purpose

come into it, if we just do things because we can,

and what’s the harm we might do to someone else

if indiscriminately we just do, just because

we actually can?

 

Why can I, or why can’t I, are basic questions

that don’t need much depth to ask, or to answer,

unless we stop to think about what motivates us

to do anything at all, whether rooted in right,

or in wrong?

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,856

204.6

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

April 29 Comments

 

April 29 – MADE IN MOMENTS – Really liked your poem; of course I did. I finally had a moment to go to your website and read some of your poetry. Your words flow with meaning and feelings Thank you for touching my soul, JK, Kailua, HI

 

April 29 – MADE IN MOMENTS - Nice writing here today!, JZ, Calgary, AB/from Korea

 

April 29 – MADE IN MOMENTS - Have a great day....enjoyed your column this morning, CH, Red Deer, AB

 

April 29 – MADE IN MOMENTS - A snow storm.....you Canadian's sure have weird spring weather.  Spring is supposed to be warmth, leaves, flowers, or didn't anyone tell you guys that? Hope it clears and you get to go traveling, visiting, speaking and listening this weekend. Drive safe, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

MADE IN MOMENTS - Thursday Apr. 29, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 0C/32F, storm warning continues, icy snowy junk covers all, high gusting winds overnight blow on (added to yesterday’s snow/rainy slurry mess)  shaping up an ugly day anywhere I’ll step or drive (adds new dimension to my Friday trip to Edmonton) … but Gusta loved the traction, the wet and rolling her coat in fresh snow (actually more like a 3” deep snow cone rolled everywhere), hopefully it will all be wet history by tomorrow . .

 

‘The Eskimos have fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be a many for love.’ – Margaret Atwood

 

Atwood also said: ‘In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.’

 

Good points, but today doesn’t appear to good for snow or gardening. Brrr. Listening to some Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg just the ticket for denial of swirling inside a snow-cone making machine, temp hovering between freezer and liquidity – but it ain’t necessarily so.

 

There is nothing so gloomy or dull or negative or disappointing, that cannot be fixed with a mood swing. Don’t worry - mid-life crisis not required, nor menopause – just trust a mood change, believe it can make a difference in your whole day or, possibly, in your whole life.

 

. . . grab your mood, by butt-cheeks, swing it in some other direction.  There is intelligence in a day like this – wisdom lurking to be found, uncommon thoughts, bent moods - door swings (or blows) open, the day comes in, trust it.

 

Best finds – any day, anyway, at work or play, at home or office – gifts that keep giving, conversations months or years apart that first connected us to someone - connective tissue, maybe Kreskin-esque quality humans have not yet fully developed.  Days like this - we need more than coffee or Hawaiian dreams to warm us. When alone or just feeling cool, or cold, or discouraged - best is yet to come.

 

Ability to connect, to just ‘know’ someone, just ‘know what to say or write’ lives in just doing it. Out of the blue, short gems like these arrived: ‘will keep you in mind when I am golfing this summer and I find out who is available’, ‘long day. I've been home for less than 30 minutes and I am beat. But, I wanted to write you back’, ‘I had my share of coooooooold grey/brown Calgary but hey, spring arrives for you Calgarians in July, not far away now ‘, ‘I didn't get your column today...just checking to see if you are ok?’, ‘want to talk to you ...call when you get a moment. OK?’   . . . suddenly cold isn’t so cold, warm isn’t just warm and stormy sky doesn’t stop sunshine coming my way. Moods are not made in hours or days – they are made in moments. Have you given anyone a mood making moment lately?  Why not now?

 

~~~

MOOD SWUNG - link to archive – The Poetry Project

 

Moods swing, as pendulums do, but more like

Knees jerking as we walk down worn

rickety stairs where any false step might have us

all genuflecting in some mad tumble to the

flat bottom, where lack of understanding

might just make us late, for fate.

 

Mood things, blame the weather, pendulum

or stair, I think – or so it seems to me, we tend

to blame, to point, to accuse - external forces

as responsible, so that lets us avoid accounting

for actions, as if it was something of us, we created,

ourselves, alone, on our own - of course, we did.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,880

205.2

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 28 Comments

 

April 28 – CIVILIZATION – Kudos! Thanks Mark. A powerful piece and as always, cogent writing. The poem is marvelous – would you be willing to let me post it on our DI blog ? We’re looking at creating a ‘poetry place’ where we can hold the space for people sharing their words through poetry… Thanks for the call-out and link to my blog – I appreciate you!, LG, Calgary .. P.S.: Check out our video recording of Stand by Me -- and feel free to share it with your world!  Thanks!

 

April 28 – CIVILIZATION - One of the reasons I think your musings works for so many is that you take the very personal experiences of you, your life, and share them with the universal audience of us. You did much of this in your poem, do even more and we shall have to relate to the Joe's of the world whether we like it or not. It is good and you are putting much effort into them. Poetry reminds me of a cross between a song and a psalm and a story., FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

April 25 - MOI - Your thoughts of those you encounter that you can't figure out. A bit of a waste of energy and angst?  You didn't know them/understand them/"figure" them out simply because they did not let you know them. We only allow others to see parts of us........the things we are comfortable with exposing......at that time......on that day......at that point in the relationship. And odder than that is when someone says they do "know" another.....particularly in long term relationships.   One will say spouse or friend won't like that, won't do that  or will react in such a way.  We all have some sort of ego to make assumptions on the behaviours of others we know well.   Change "me" and all of a sudden , everyone around us changes!   Most people are looking for similarities so that they can profess "We are both so alike!"  Try a different approach........look for a person who, on the surface, appears to as different from you, as night and day.  Then challenge yourself to search for the similarities.  I'd be interested to know the results!  A bit surprised to see the words "give up" from you. I can't imagine there ever being a "time" to choose that. I admire your honesty is admitting it.......as we all have.....but there is always another path,..... another idea, .......another kite to fly. You've truly got into  the "rhythm of livin'". , LAR, Winnipeg, MB

CIVILIZATION - Wednesday Apr. 28, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 4C/39F, early cold showers will turn to snow later (I thought we were done), those skinny developer-planted trees with their leaves just sneaking out of buds are wary if they’ve listened to the forecast, Gusta only cared to run and smile

 

‘The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.’ – Ambrose Bierce

 

On rainy days, cheery music gets us up - isn’t civilization grand!

 

Different if you are cold, wet, alone, down, out, lost, forgotten. 

 

You aren’t.  Lucky you. Lucky me.

 

I’ve not been there, but I was on that slippery slope once, and the view wasn’t pretty. Maybe those experiences have given me some insight worth sharing . . . maybe not . . . depends on your vantage point.

 

Some days there are no words left - some days we face scary, face exciting, but some days go the other way for many of our fellow citizens here on planet civilization.  My job today is to point out some things - not to get you down but to get you thoughtful, about those who start their day with shakes and chills and deepest kind of down - to remind that we are all, but a step or two away from where they are, that we are they and they are we, in so many ways:

 

So easy, to judge the path of the other person, those on the other side of some great divide – but really, aren’t we all just a big chain, only as strong as its weakest links?

 

We can all be strong, all the time, but sometime weak sneaks in, or sneaks up, on us - what then?  Some days, like yesterday, someone gives me a prod, somebody provides a word trigger (yesterday it was ‘not so heavenly bound that I'm of no earthly good’) that started it - this morning’s chilly rain completes the mood.

 

Days starts with belief we will be OK, that our nose put to some grindstone creates a good life, safety, health and prosperity. We all start that way, don’t we?  Some notion planted by parents and school, friends, TV, society – they all do it; but for many life isn’t so fine. I don’t just mean homeless indigent folks or those stuck in (or on) crack or mired in an unforgiving rut. The distance between here, and there, is not so vast.

 

Where do we look?  In our comfortable homes, in our clean shiny mirror or in the reflection of our opulent lives?  Is reality in our own mirror?

 

Or, is it down an alley in early morning – where we don’t drive or look, where down and outers get to be down (over there) and out (out of our sight) – as we deny that reality.  There is hope, for them, for us too – if we recognize that understanding isn’t doled out by governments who fund things with our money, or by policy makers who never get their hands dirty.

 

There are dark places we avoid – not because we can’t stand to see them, but because we don’t want to consider the possibility that we might be there, be them, be swirling life’s drain without a lot of hope.

 

The first hour of every day, you, like me, wake up safe and warm – out of the weather and meander around our safe cocoon, reading a paper, sipping coffee, our routine rarely interrupted by reality – we risk going out into a world where traffic might snarl or people might too, where we rub shoulders and sometimes encounter a cold shoulder – but our prospects are largely good, our optimism brimming, no end in sight . . .

 

As you pause over coffee and paper, remember not everyone starts their day safe and warm, with expectations of a happy ending; some are down some dark alley huddled against the rain, teeth chattering, but they could just as easily be sitting in the chair next to you, or the chair next to the chair next to you (if you get my meaning).

 

On a much lighter note, I found this quote that made me smile:

 

‘If there hadn’t been women, we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.’ – Orson Welles

 

~~~

DOWN THE HALL FROM IT

No earthly good you might be thinking, but fear not

those down and out, these downcast ones for there are

seeds of great strength sewn within their weakness,

where, in silence, it lurks there, stuck there, not cowering

‘neath shrouds of strength, but waiting all the same,

to erupt again, thrusting, like scalding hot lovers’ writhing

through life’s torrid pace – first frenetic, next moment cold,

then limp, then hotter, frantic fear, manic exhaustion,

staggering, sweaty, stretching from triumph to failure,

from failure to triumph, again, samefuckingroutine-like pattern,

like some wavy bell curve on a hospital machine, because,

like all of us, they too are seeking every last breath of life,

to suck up every last half-ounce of life, to use it completely

before death, with such an urgency as that which is reserved,

generally, for those who so piously seek it after death.

 

Their bed made, you see, every day they lay, sink deeper in it,

tougher each time to find their way out, no matter if hands

lift them up enough to keep them up enough, such high risk,

of falling back again, or through some crack, again,

no bed to lay in, again, no roof to cover, again, no place to just be,

without being so angry, again, misplaced again, that they forget,

again, and lose strength again, drained, again – stark contrast

with life they see rush by, fast cars, fancy houses, cozy lives

of those smugly resting in snug beds, who forget they too are but

one step, one slip, one fall, away from it, just down the hall from it,

they too might be dim lit and dire, so close, yet so far from the

fire of life that they chose to live, before life is gone from them,

that no earthly good can keep safe, because it is life before death,

as surely as there is life after for those who believe it but for some,

life is a prison, a life sentence.

~~~

link to archive – The Poetry Project

Mark Kolke

322,904

205.5

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 27 Comments

 

April 27 - I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK  - Hi Mark: Read the book the Power of Full Engagement.  Talks about it is not time we need but energy, PL, Calgary, AB

 

April 27 - I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK  - House is upside down as I sort and pack away clutter, but, sorting and de-cluttering is a kind of purging of stuff.  I can see why you have been giving away things.  The things had meaning, but the meaning continues even without the thing. Good luck with paring back your email, FO,

 

April 27 - I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK  - Thanks to AR in Calgary for both giving me hope and reminding me that nothing is as attractive as a sunny vibrant attitude. I'm in the habit of smiling at everyone I meet as I daily walk along the lake, and I always comment on their dogs, yes Mark even the little ones. Most people smile back. I truly believe I'll find my balloon within the next year. SW in Couer d'Alene, ID

 

April 27 - I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK  - Your ‘Like China’ poem brought tears to my eyes and I will save it. It sincerely captures true intimacy when a relationship can really work. I am not surprised you are a Leo, too. You sound like one with your philosophy on life and Maui is one of the most perfect places - the climate for sure! Thanks for sharing your poem, and the best of luck in your "search"! , D, Calgary, AB

 

April 27 - I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK  - Haven't received musings since April 17 - I assume I was accidentally dropped from the list? , KK, Calgary, AB

I QUIT, ACTUALLY I JUST CUT BACK - Tuesday Apr. 27, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, overcast, strong chilly wind rippling Gusta’s ratty half-shed coat, heavy clouds over mountains – but lighter ones over me this morning . . .

 

The world did not end. Trains in Russia still run late. Day 3 might be easier.

 

I try to have empathy for another’s life – especially when figuring out my own seems like a full time job some days. Not most, but some.  Some events (or people) help us move - from thing to thing, issue to issue, person to person – catalyst, something added to move the chemical reaction along.

 

‘You cannot find peace by avoiding life.’ – Virginia Woolf

 

Some people come to us, enter our lives, or simply breeze by for some reason. So it seems. They don’t tell us which they are going to be on arrival, but time tells, because in time we know.  It might be a few days later, years, or decades – there they are, in our lives, smiling back at us – as if we’ve both always known.

 

Sometime with a drive-by smile, gone so quickly, as if to remind of precious memories (for me, a spectacular dinner at Jack’s Grill comes to mind) in times past; when those memories stir, there is no better reminder that – that the best moments in life may be just around a bend or up some winding road . . or another, or the next.

 

On another subject, I’ve been trying to re-order my schedule - allow more pure-work time and pure-writing time to, as Frank advised, take myself off the treadmill.  I think I’ve found a large component of the time I need to squeeze from each day, but it involves admitting my addiction.  Yes, I confess, I’m addicted. No silly, not butterscotch ripple ice-cream, channel surfing, fabulous women (hhhmmm), or public speaking, or writing.

 

I quit. Well, actually I just cut back, but I quit letting it dominate my day so much.  Not sure if I can STAY QUIT, but I’ll try.  e-mail, that’s it, my drug of choice - and, like food, this is not something to quit cold turkey or give up completely, though power-failures help. 

 

I tried Sunday, again yesterday – part of my plan to get more efficient with my time; to check e-mail for 5-10 minutes every two hours, and otherwise to run my life and my day without frequent trips to e-mail accounts. After 2 days it feels like kicking 5 addictions at the same time (I’ve found new sympathies for tobacco and drug addicts).  

 

Cutting back to healthier level seems to be the ticket.  I’ve set aside certain times on the clock to ‘check and respond’ to email. That seems reasonable and sufficient to get critical things done in timely fashion while allowing long stretches of uninterrupted think/work time. After two days I can report that it is as horrid as any kind of withdrawal I’ve been told about.  Today will be better. I don’t have 12 steps or a sponsor, but I know I have it in me . . . and, with support from far and wide, I’ll make a full recovery.

 

I can’t have everything I want jus now; I can’t give ‘er up – but I have cut back.

~~~

SWIFTLY GONE FROM MY GAZE

Living for some future, some way - that things might be,

I can’t help wondering if I will be better off to live for now,

just to enjoy this moment because this moment is here,

and future has so much yet to answer for!

 

I see images of what it is like to be for me, that way,

but I can’t stop wondering - that is not the way I see for me to be,

because there is no greater joy to imagine and wish for,

than a ride, all the way, up some winding road . . .

 

link to archive – The Poetry Project

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,928

204.9

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 26 Comments

 

April 25 - MOI - I have a story for SW in Coeur d'Alene:  there was a time not long ago when I was on my own, happy and busy but wanting that last balloon.  Then we met and my world is full of sunshine.  Three times since we met, I have been approached by men I did not know wondering if I was single (and I am well into my 50's).  It is amazing what a difference it makes when you are smiling and looking like you have a wonderful secret that is bursting to get out of you. I concluded that most people are attracted to people with positive energy. My positive energy was always there (my husband, my 'one', says he was attracted to it) but it came bubbling to the surface after I met him.  If you can generate that energy before the connection, then you will attract attention.  Your smile and the happiness it indicates is so important!  Mark, I do wish for you the joy and comfort that I have found - it is worth the wait/attitude/effort/whatever it takes . . .  AR, Calgary

 

April 25 - MOI - Didn’t get your Musings Saturday and Sunday…wasn’t near a computer to go to the website to read them.  Got here this morning and found them in another file that I cannot access from my Blackberry.  It’s interesting, because I hadn’t changed the destination of Musings on Friday.  Anyways, they’ll arrive again as they should and I’ve caught up on what I missed.  In response to today’s, I send you a file I received from a trusted friend.  It says it better than I ever could.  JW-Cochrane/Calgary, AB

MOI - Monday Apr. 26, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 0C/32F, hazy cloud/fog, snow gave way to some greening up of happy lawns, Gusta loving cool dew to roll her coat in . . . while for me the quiet of this day’s start was just what I need for focus, for sorting, for . . . understanding . . .

 

Amazing lives require - resilience, optimism, acceptance, humor, creativity, responsibility, meaning, and connection. Lost connections - old friends, new friends or friends we want – go from ‘never running out of conversation’ to ‘not wanting to have one’ is a short somewhat slippery slope. This slope I’ve encountered slope from both ends of the slide, as cause, and as effect.  Are you with me? 

 

Someone asked me recently if all my troubles connected to some challenging woman du jour; I answered, ‘no, they undoubtedly connect to a challenging man, moi!’

 

Imagine life’s banality if we each acted/reacted same way, to every situation of facts or feelings; that would be so bizarre, yet when I encounter people I can’t figure out, I am intrigued. What did I miss, what am I missing?  Did I miss a clue, forget to listen carefully for some lightly dropped hint, or key indicator? Where lies the solution?

 

The whole thing does not compute – clearly (well, actually not so clear, but you get my meaning) there is much about a situation I don't know; discussion counterpart had no obligation, to fill missing pieces, for me - but I know when things don’t add up, sometimes it is best to give up. It is usually because we don’t have all the numbers (parts) of the equation. Sometimes. Is this such a time?

 

Two things.  We get them wrong so often.

 

1. impact we have on others

 

2. impact they have on us

 

We are not lab rats, actions/reactions to stimuli, not recorded or compared – we measure failings and triumphs against past experiences – and against little else.  When we have trouble understanding, we ask a friend, not a stranger. When we struggle against an obstacle we ask for help from someone who knows and understands less than we do, yet somehow we expect a cogent answer and instruction on what to do next. Aren’t we weird?

 

It smacks of David asking Goliath for advice on how to win the struggle. We rarely ask the obstacle for advice.  We sparingly tell the person(s) standing in our path, that we need help and guidance in dealing with them. I am not sure if this is bred into us somehow, or if it is fear of showing weakness. 

~~~

THERE IS REASON

 

Moving along, from task to task – place to place, face

to face - novel approach, read much like one – of

intrigue, mystery, drama and dialogue, or not,

which serves to re-teach  our limited reach.

 

Figuring out self, more useful task than to know

another; firmly grip my own acknowledgment,

issues, than figuring out - virtually impossible

when we know them, far less when we don’t.

 

To be curious, with deep wanting, to know

what people think about at night in their sleep,

to know - because, their behavior gets under

our skin, their underlying reasons, or denying.

 

Ways about them, ones that bother most, are

things about ourselves, easily excused, avoided,

because that is the way we are, until we change,

to know the why of it, the sense of it, all of it.

 

~~~

link to archive – The Poetry Project

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

322,952

 

204.2

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

April 25 Comments

 

April 25 - YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG  - Your "Weekend Specials" are very special with your links to music selections and your Edith Piaf clips were wonderful. If you have not seen the DVD "La Vie En Rose", it is worth the view...her life story is an amazing one in which she had such determination to conquer adversity!  Thank you for sharing. I think that you influence more people than you think, in a very positive way!  I also got a chuckle out of your friend SB reining you in. I think that we all have more ability within than others are willing to recognize .. so don't "hold back" just because of others opinions!  I keep running marathons as a "Celebration" that I still have the "Distance in Me" and I am happy for it.  I don't run because I am happy; I am happy because I run!!  I'll be running the Maui Marathon September 19th...have already confirmed for a running number to get me back on the road and into a training routine. Maybe you'll be on Maui then and we can meet?  Meanwhile, I am sure you already know that your efforts and thoughts are thoroughly appreciated. You've become part of my small group of "Mentors", SY  Honolulu, HI

 

 

April 25 - YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG  - Your mood today matches mine, more or less.At this moment I seem to be on a roll, having gotten back into my career after a 7-year absence, having returned recently from a wonderful course/holiday on Hawaii, and having just bought a condo. But who knows: I'm enjoying it while I can. I am after all, about the same age as Leonard Cohen and John McCain, well past my threescore years and ten. That being said, I feel quite young and very much alive, and for that I'm thanklful to whatever powers of the universe look after these things. So, as I heard that Joe Clark used to say, "Party on", EG, Calgary, AB

 

April 25 - YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG  - Trust you were able to keep busy today even though your golf game could not happen. Out here we had maybe 4" while to the south of us there was maybe an inch. I did not receive the Toastmaster link from you and nor did I receive the "Daily Thought" that usually precedes the Musing. Are you now combining the 2 into one??  I will call you this week as I am hoping to have some good news to share. Not wishful thinking but fruits from the labor. Take care, JJ, Calgary, AB

YESTERDAY WHEN I WAS YOUNG - Sunday Apr. 25, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, yesterday’s soggy snow blanket lays on everything – doing the slow melt – so golf is definitely off; trails were empty quiet tunnels – while a field where hoards of tikes in numbered soccer shirts played yesterday to cheers of chilled parents and grandparents lay quiet this morning, its snow inviting wear, and sunshine, but neither came; though Gusta enjoyed all that cool wet on her belly.

 

Yesterday – reminders were needed – a friend to tell me NO when I wanted YES, looking for validation of how I was feeling, and I needed to be told I was full of it as well as full of myself; when that test happens - only best friends can do it - then, to make me belly laugh at my own stupidity, takes the best kind of friend. Thanks SB!

 

At my age when playful youth is revisited – then countered by serious approach, not wanting to do things wasteful or frivolous because too much time has already been lost, forgotten and downright wasted - fearing waste of any more through poor choices. 

 

Still, excitement of feeling much younger and more alive than my life and style should afford me – once again - gives great joy, if only snippets a day here, an hour there – but so worth waiting for, remembering for, waiting for ….

 

…. then, one day, I’d like to say, ‘I’ve met my match, my equal, my love for life’, but the more I think and search and consider, seeking all that might be just too greedy. I have incredible people and yesterday memories in my life, so how, how on earth could I expect to find anything better than that? … yet I keep searching, hopeful, rising for the dust of defeat to try again, the right mix might show up ASAP … whatever that means.

 

Cloudy day remedy: French music, French singers this morning: Edith Piaf’s L'Hymne à l'amour; if you like that, check La Vie En Rose as well.  And Jacques Brel’s Ne Me Quitte Pas or Charles Aznavour’s rendition of She, or Yesterday When I Was Young 

 

I was young, a minute ago; where youth went, innocence spent.

~~~

SOAKING

Openness, to possibilities, less like an open coat but rather more

like a dried sponge, thirsting a good soaking up, of warmth

and knowing, of someone, or a shadow of an idea.

 

But then, filled up, how can we purge the sponge’s load without

spilling experiences everywhere, with so much to be lost

and impossible to do without spilling memories all over us.

 

There remains a pain, in the dry sponge’s belly, missing that

which - for just a short time – filled it with warmth and

excitement for enjoying so much, just by wishing it so.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

April 24 Comments

 

April 24 - ONE BALLOON  - I laughed at "Canadian Graffiti for the Boomer set--Middle aged boy chases dream girl...." But, isn't that still how we are inside? I'm teaching a women's workshop for Boomers on Dating and Romance in my small lake resort town. It's amazing how many stories I hear of women past 50 who still deeply want to be that 'dream girl' that a man glimpses briefly while out at the market, or spots walking alone along the lake biking trail. As a single boomer myself, I don't go on my power walk without smelling and looking good, because I never know when a handsome older jogger may stop me to chat, or a biker will ride alongside and admire my smile and life changes instantly. While my life is fantastic right now, with my new business launched, website up, health and weight better than in 10 years, I miss the "one balloon". I'm not in control of that elusive moment of meeting, but I continue to have an attitude of alertness and anticipation that he's just around the next corner. That makes me smile!, SW,  Coeur d'Alene, ID

 

April 24 - ONE BALLOON  - I have compassion for your ups and downs as you search.  But I have admiration of your optimism and determination.  Maybe this week will be your week, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

ONE BALLOON - Saturday Apr. 24, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

[note about music/video links – I find on Saturday and Sunday mornings I have time, and perhaps my readers do to, to listen to some music. I choose pieces I like that connect, in some way, to the subject matter or to my mood… hope you like them]

 

Morning walk: -1C/29F, sun just coming up to warm those buds that are starting to leaf out sparingly . .

 

Searching on-line – recently I went looking for a woman for me (serious deliberate effort producing mixed results), and I searched this morning for music to fit my mood – this happy elusiveness space between joy I’d thought might be within my grasp but perhaps it is out of reach just now, hoping to find it described in songs or quotes – of dreams realized, or dashed, along the bumpy road of life - not in a love song or sad and blue Ray Charles song Buble style. I’ve not been finding it (maybe I should write it??) – because the world seems stuck between sad songs and glad songs … from Crazy ballads to Ronan Keating love songs to insensitive Jann Arden classics … so maybe the better tune for me this morning is Paul Mauriat’s classic or some Titanic idea . . . wherever you are, you don’t know me.

 

Readiness I feel (felt?), like sprinter in starting block, gun’s report about to set me off, but not so fast, this marathon’s no sprint – far more than 26 miles, 385 yards - adventure will cross mountain ranges, monster desserts and oceans of ooey-gooey challenges – some metaphor for life, or Dairy Queen sundae . . or some foggy early morning seawall walk.

 

Strange space in my morning brain - part empty, part container waiting to be filled.  I didn’t make up the story – it happened, but it included snippets of real (what someone said, or wrote) and the rest of the story was in the wishes, hopes and dreams quadrant of my brain – somewhat like Richard Dreyfus’s character in American Graffiti, mesmerized by beautiful woman/white T-bird, fleeting elusive glimpses of her through opera window, coming and going without notice – leaving behind a mysterious longing for something/someone he neither new or could hope to understood.  I could play that part really well, but I doubt there will be a movie made called Canadian Graffiti for the boomer-set - middle-aged boy chases beautiful dream girl – but fun to laugh about.

 

Happiness is not measured on a scale of 1-10, is it (check out the part toward the end – 20 min. - Jonathan Harris collects stories, a TED talk)? If it was and even if I only held 1 balloon, I would be happy, and on my balloon, the words ‘finding a woman to love me, one who truly gets me’ would be printed.

 

I want to keep writing, till I die - maybe longer, to tell stories worth telling, meet people worth knowing, do things worth doing – so I never reach a point in life where I will not want to be holding at least one balloon.

 

Someone sent me these words this morning: ‘The universe will send your way what is right and true for you for this moment in your time.’

 

I went looking for a quote to describe how I feel, but finding none that fit, but surely this is not a feeling that hasn’t come, and gone, before for someone else – it can’t be unique to me, can it? The best I’ve found yet, is in John Prine’s In Spite Of Ourselves ….. I think I’ll go scramble some eggs now.

~~~

Q AND A

 

Q. - Why do we search, and what do we search for as we

seek to love? Do we, search for it because it is out there,

waiting for us to find it, or is it in us bursting to get out,

to flourish and be spread when we find someone

to give it to?

 

A. - We search for love because we need love, to give love,

to get love and to live a life full of love because we feel

empty without love. Two things, so elusive, but not

exclusive – each from the other; from what we want and

why we want it.

 

Q. - If we have it in us, don’t we have it to give to all

those around us, whether or not they love us in return

and whether or not they are THE ONE we seek, to be

paired with, because if we are not whole ourselves, what

can we pretend to give?

 

A. Life thrives, people thrive, animals thrive – we all thrive

and feel more alive - when we are in love, when we are

loved and when we love someone more than we love ourselves,

and truly, we are not capable of loving anyone unless, until

firstly, we love ourselves.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 23 Comments

 

April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING – Bye Mark, thanks for your honesty. Here's my gift to you: http://www.ahalmaas.com/ , L, Haiku, HI

 

April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING - Our issues are universal, your goals are grand and personal. I don't know anyone who gets it all done.  And yes, the truth is, we must make peace with this on that day, that last day, so that we are content, satisfied and glad to have lived this gift of life. I feel much the same way this morning, wondering how I can possibly get everything done. Well I can't.  So, one step in front of the other and then dark of night will arrive and it will be time to stop. Roast beef and golf.  What a good Sunday. I opened a fortune cookie the other day .It told me that ‘things are not the way they seemed’ so, if my cookie possessed innate wisdom, ‘what way are they?’  FO, Kaunakakai, HI

April 23 - SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING - Hi Mark. I just received the most amazing orchid and I know it is from you.. I will try to call. Thank you so much - that was soooo sweet. Thank you, again, AF, Vancouver, BC

SOME FLOWERS ARE FOR KEEPING - Friday Apr. 23, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 2C/36F, some cloud, windy, damp chill from overnight shower – sunny cool weekend shaping up; Gusta enjoyed the wet grass on her belly . . . like running through an air-conditioner I suspect (reminds me to brush her coat out some more this weekend).

 

What ends things, or begins renewal?  Real change, culmination of much thought, a feeling of endless searching – pondering if some distant goal or destination’s merit is as perceived, or whether that is a fantasy to be dashed on rocks.  Forward is the only direction worth going, fast forward - only speed I know – and if/when I slow down, I know I’ll snap back and go just as fast.  I have only time to spend, and my quest to find someone to spend it with might soon be over . . . too soon to tell for sure, but a nice start . .

 

Wilted flowers are normal to find along a path, because that’s what flowers do - everything a stage; for moving on - from stage to stage, like steps on a stairway; but, too often I think, my steps feel more like I’ve been walking down the UP escalator, stepping lots but not really moving very far at all.

 

So often, on phone, or in face-to-face meetings, I ask/or am asked, ‘how are things?’.  My answer (because little has fundamentally changed) is a broken record of politeness, platitudes and cliché. I wish to change to a far better extraordinary answer.

 

Truth is, probably that much has changed, but the parts I think about, wrestle with and have been focusing attention on lately include annoying self-defeating things that drag me down, and inhibit my happiness and achievements on many levels, so change is overdue. Brad White pan-flute music seems the best mood music for this rumination illumination, but maybe Nickleback’s ‘If Today was your last day’ would be better.

 

Procrastination, has been my way - too much, too often, for too long; lost sleep my easiest (but worst) time-management tool and too many things have repeated themselves without enough stopping to examine them in a healthy and effective manner. Today seems a good day for change, just as it will be tomorrow when I call that day ‘today’. 

 

There is no time like this time; it will never come again, so my decision is to make this time different - otherwise I end up with more of the same unhealthy procrastination that has marked so much of my work life ... and personal life ... with a real approach, not so much to change, but to make time only for doing things I feel a strong need/desire and compulsion to do – and to try some new ways to find a genuine new way.

 

I had lunch yesterday with my writing mentor Frank Dabbs (thanks Frank, it was great), sought advice and got lots more than I bargained for.  The thing, with advice, is that it is only good if we take it – otherwise it is just conversation.

 

Changing my routine - managing my time (without withdrawal from my sleep account) so I can write more without altering things I need to be committed to – like good health, ‘being me’, this column, friends, family – yet getting off the treadmill so time to write those short stories and books I know I have in me can come out to play requires conscious change.

 

Change is needed – so, TODAY, not tomorrow, is when it begins.  I figure, if I work really hard today and tomorrow . . I'll only be a year or two behind on my 'things I want to do' ..... so, I've resolved a solution

 

I'm going to work really hard today and tomorrow, clear my plate of all things I have to do/want to do on the basis that those are the only two days I have ... like I am going a way on a long trip.  Then I'm throwing a lot of things away.

 

Sunday, I'll take the day off from work. I'll golf and spend some time with my dad (I think we have a couple of closets to clean) + it's roast beef dinner night at his place.

 

Monday, start anew, clean slate morning . . attack only new things I want to do (I'll have time), pursue new business I want, pursue the best love-connection prospect I have with some openness to magic (I am open to letting it in if it is real), and attack those boxes of accounting work languishing in the basement and to  begin to put them into history, once and for all.

 

Tuesday, and beyond, I'm going to remove myself from the treadmill I’ve been on and start writing more seriously rather than just talking about.  The NEW plan will only work if it is an every day focus.

 

And; a sidebar about Frank (looks great having lost 30 pounds; thank goodness his recovery from that stroke is 99% ..); he gets back to Calgary 2-3 times a year now from his writing table and awesome two acre garden near Owen Sound on Georgian Bay; he spent two hours with me before going to meet writers he is advising on their next books (Arne Neilson, former CEO of Mobil and Yann Martel, Life of Pi author) … I was honored and thrilled to spent time in the company of a friend, mentor and musing fan(FD) who has been so generous to me.

 

Some flowers are for keeping, some are for throwing away, some will arrive today, bloom today – start today, do today, live today, love today, mean things today, give today . . . and don’t put off today.

 

~~~

FRIDAY COMES

Pressure, then delay, extend each day and

procrastination envelops the nation, as we

make ourselves so busy we just go around,

get dizzy – until our heads stop twirling.

 

As if we could really keep those multiple

focuses going without a rest, because we

can’t do that for long, any more than we can

short ourselves on sleep every night and

still get through the week, let alone the night.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 22 Comments

 

April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS – “moonless star studded sky was great until Gusta elected to poop in the shadows” – An adventure with two dogs and an owner who is slightly night-blind. Relieved 4-legged  friend enthusiastically scratches dirt backward into the owner’s face as owner bends down with bag in one hand, two leads in the other, trying to follow the aroma of the ‘pile’ because she lacks a 3^rd or 4^th hand for a flashlight. Other 4-legged friend is off finding p-mail scents and tracking wee critters that left them.  Fun…?  No, but they are.  Could we learn from the 4-legged friend that kicks dirt over what she’s left behind and then trots off to find new adventure, forgetting what is left behind?  And perhaps the answer we seek remains tantalizingly out of reach because sometimes, unknown to us, the question quietly evolves as our experience grows?  I dunno…  JW-Calgary/Cochrane, AB . . . P.S. Perhaps the Poor Guy alone can do little but witness until he makes a choice to leave or find others who can together help to bring about change.

 

April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS -  Just read your article - it was very good - you are an early riser! Love the poem. Talk to you soon, AF, Vancouver, BC

 

April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS -  Hi Mark, The quote from Richard Bach struck a real chord for me - it is so very, very true!  Loved the poem - very nice, SB, Calgary, AB

 

April 22 - STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS - Hi Mark: "Like China" is your best poem yet!, BR, Calgary, AB

STRUGGLE A LITTLE BIT LESS - Thursday Apr. 22, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 8C/46F, moonless star studded sky was great until Gusta elected to poop in the shadows which might sound funny, but trying to bag it up in the dark is something I could do without at an early hour.

 

Here is the morning; welcome, the peace, the silence, the stillness . . . sometimes so full of yesterday’s joys and today’s plans – and just as often, just running on empty, searching.

 

happy EARTH DAY!

 

happy earth day to you,

happy earth day to you - happy earth day, happy earth day, happy earth day .... toooo you!

...and many more

 

‘We generate our own environment. We get exactly what we deserve. How can we resent a life we’ve created ourselves?  Who’s to blame, who’s to credit but us?  Who can change it, anytime we wish, but us?’ – Richard Bach

 

Earth Day 2010 seems appropriate to write something relevant to environment (I did once, last year ) and I wondered white might have changed at all since last year. Then I checked rice prices.  You can see, last year’s spike has been followed by a series of corrections that make that Poor Guy struggle a little bit less. He might have some time for other things besides a full day’s work just to earn his bowl of rice. He didn’t create the situation, he is not an enabler of it, but a witness – not important on his own, but as part of the many he is critically important.

 

These old middle-aged bones are weary – bone tired, gym workout was great but paled compared to steam room dozing, where my mind wandered to so many thoughts of spring flowers, summer days, autumn walks in the woods and winter holidays.

 

No time ever better, no time ever will, match this time of day or night – when I am light on my feet and heavy on my pillow.  It seems, sometimes, things we want – success, someone, or some grip on ourselves – seems just so far away they might not be found.

 

But there seems to be no time, to calm between notes of life’s song to find the answer out – too much to do, no time to waste, no extra minutes to throw around – the race is on, the chase is the way we live – rushing, mushing, an Iditarod of life, envying the lead dog’s view.

 

~~~

LIKE CHINA

maybe I've already met her or nearly met her or am

about to meet her; or maybe we'll pass like two ships

at sea, in dark of night, or maybe we'll gently bump

into each other, in a store, between turnips and melons.

 

wherever I find her will be paradise ... and rolling

over in the middle of the night to find the person

whose foot rests on my calf or whose shoulder blade

just bumped mine for some emergency intimacy.

 

finger tip touch finger tip, lip touch lip, her breast

presses my chest, she lays half across me in slumber, her

murmur in sleepy ear, to barely hear, she says she loves

me and I know, as I've always known, that I love her.

finding the right fit, the right person, the right pairing –

me for her, and her for me - elusive and beautiful;

dumbstruck and gobsmacked am I, brain focused,

on her fineness, like china, I’m afraid to break.

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,048

294.6

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

April 21 Comments

 

April 21 - PASSING BY OR PASSING THROUGH – Love your column. I like your writing..please tell me  more about you JJ, Palo Alto, CA

PASSING BY OR PASSING THROUGH - Wednesday Apr. 21,

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 6C/43F, calm and clear, an empty path – all Gusta and I needed to start this marvelous day; this brilliant sunshine is fine and sleep cured my fatigue.

 

The most incredible opportunity is coming . . wait for it . . oops~!   It just went by.  Missed it.  Here comes another.  Missed that one too.  How many times should we let life, opportunity or people go?  How do we know – if they are just passing by, or truly passing through our lives?  Is there not something we might learn, give, teach, take, from everyone we encounter or every experience we have? 

 

Yes, we should expect life to slip away, in inches, or in one fell swoop.  That’s not desirable, but it is reality. Having each day give rise to another, each year leading to another – is a rare gift.  There can be no better good fortune, just as losing it can be swift injustice – it is life.  How many times in life, or each day, does an awesome opportunity go whizzing by – in plain view – and we miss it, miss out, miss it completely?

 

I am not a believer, not yet, that waiting around for things to happen is a key to success in any form.  Not to say I need to grab every opportunity, idea or person, but I believe we sell ourselves far short if we are not – with every waking moment – open to, aware, awake . . . and prepared to explore an opportunity.  I am convinced, that when we don’t, everybody loses.  Even if it is a brief encounter, an argument, a dismissal or rebuke . . . the far greater chance is that something in my life, or in the life of the person I speak with, will have improved in the process.  Yes, every one, every time, everyone.

 

I know, that sounds exhausting. How could we possibly spare the energy to invest a little bit of ourselves in every encounter we have? 

 

Opportunity, or life itself, can slip away easily, before we know it – in moments, right in front of our eyes, there can be no knowing in advance. What then can we do? I think we can be prepared for it, anticipate it, expect it . .

 

‘The world turns aside to let any man pass who knows where he is going.’ – Epictetus

 

Some ideas are new, but most are antiquities – as truth transcends time. There is something that happens when we let ourselves go - into life - I think, the relinquishing the need for control over the outcome. Every time my thoughts stray into this domain, I get happy and feeling weird at the same time.

 

The idea, that things will be OK … if I just leave them alone.  And, that people will be OK … if I just leave them alone.  And that things will work, work-out, be fine ... or be better, if I just leave them alone.

 

Every way needs to be tolerated, every person’s journey deserves respect, we are all on some path to somewhere or someone – there is no right, no wrong, no every, no any, no sure thing, no easy way . . .

 

We need to be more like children – and in that, to teach ourselves as observers of our child-like glee . . as if we’ve recently arrived in the world – un-burdened by preconceived notions about people, situations, and objects we encounter. Like children, we need to wear our shoes … and play with them too, or use them as a chew toy. Well, not really, but you get my point, don’t you?

 

Like a child, playing with a pot and a lid, immersed in the moment, seeing everything with open-mindedness born of un-knowing almost everything, open to learning everything without a single pre-conceived notion.  The more we do that, we too can have a state of state of spontaneity, curiosity, and pure excitement about the world . . . can’t we?

 

Yesterday, catching me by surprise, events happened, people came into my life – old acquaintances stopped by for a visit too, a rich reminder of old and new. Sometimes, in my joy of the moment, I can get carried away – get excited and want to race ahead without justification, which is NOT some tragic flaw. It is not everyone’s cuppa .. but it is me, being me, and the mistakes I’ve made reaching out to people who were not responsive are ones I’d far rather have, reaching out to those who might need or want what I bring to the table.

 

Life, is a banquet – a buffet of treats. We get to go through the line once.  What are you prepared to pass by?

 

~~~

KNOW YOU, LIKE AN OLD FRIEND, ONLY NEWER

You started my day, or did I start yours; we

touched with words when smiles broke out as

communication took its sweetest form, because

there is no edge to openness, is there?

 

Where do new things lead, if they lead us to

anywhere at all – they lead us to where we call

them old things, well remembered things, those

once upon a time things, that leave us breath-less?

~~~

 

Mark Kolke

323,072

205.8

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark@markmusing.com

 

 

 

April 20 Comments

 

April 20 - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DISTURBANCE – Thanks for adding me to your mailing list for your column....I enjoyed reading them...very thought provoking...I like it when someone makes me think about life.... in a different way. I am looking forward to reading the next one, C, Red Deer, AB

 

April 20 - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DISTURBANCE - I've noticed a bit of thrashing around in your sleep and awake time. A quote by the famous psychiatrist Carl Jung came to mind as he wrote about Stages of Life. "Thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the  afternoon of life; worse still, we take this step with the false assumption that our truth and ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the programme of life's mornings, for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what was true at evening will have become a lie." I lived on rural acreage for 25 years and farm women gave me starts from their old gardens, and I had quite the patch of peonies dressed in frilly scarlet, or cream laced with pink. Wanting to enjoy them indoors placed in a large vase was always a disappointment. Suddenly without warning, all the petals would fall off at once, leaving a mess. Even if I could enjoy them for a day or two, it was worth it to have them brighten my life. But, they never became a favorite lasting bouquet. Something hardier like the rose with thorns would endure, still unfolding their beauty to the end. Perhaps a peonie is a delicate  morning desire no longer serving your afternoon needs, SW, Coeur d'Alene, ID 

 

April 20 - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DISTURBANCE - I guess I must be on your subscriber's list now for your morning musings - to which I've had the opportunity to read a few - they are delightful I must say, CR, Calgary, AB