today’s Musing written and published from
Morning walk: -2C/27F, a few clouds, rabbits congregating on frosty grass, Gusta romped like an escaped prisoner, so happy I’m walking at near-normal pace again as I work through the challenge of toes, pain and protein. She’s now wolfed her breakfast down, and hanging out here, as if panting and licking will get me out for a second walk so soon . . .
My mission has found me; from today forward, its blank page, beckons you, come write on me - and, in time you will see what I see; in this clarity arrangement, where I’m OK, with the way things are.
Look out - could be dangerous – some days, that is what life shows us, it doesn’t owe us; we don’t find our way to what is true. What is true finds its way to you, to me and we too. We all know our path once we’ve got where we are going; until then, we are wandering for the most part, putting a toe in the water here and there . .
All together already, are we not all one?
If so, maybe we all just think we are separated by lines drawn across page, map or social construct; arbitrarily saying ‘go here’, ‘stay there’, or ‘don’t cross’ this line, at this time.
Now, in time you see what I see, or you won’t. Ideas are fixed, or wrecked, some black on white, typed words drawn as they dawn, but when this, drawn at dawn, begs to know, ‘are you my type?’.
Finding someone, like looking for glass in water, when we search, where do we look – on a beach for what washed up, or jump in with arms wide spread, waiting for collisions? Some, seem to prefer, to dip one toe at a time. Seems safe, not dangerous at all, but still beginning anything, albeit with a toe, leaves every thing changed – no going back, no un-dipping – in search of big bangs without big pain.
When was it that I knew? I’m not so sure. Looking back, there were moments - when I was eleven, and five, and eighteen and thirty-six, and yesterday. There is nothing more exciting .. than learning what you do, every day, for the first time – and then finally, you know. I know, these letters, squiggles and dots enter, land here, take up space but mostly the page is blank white to be writ on.
What’s happened is done. Part tortured, part purpose, but mostly un-engaged. I have been engaged, sometimes seriously so, but compared to a great wasteland of intellectual nothingness (like white space), it’s mostly been without engagement at all . . . for so much of my life, I’ve been a revving engine, not talking to my transmission because it was locked in neutral. I could rock the car, forward and back, but mostly, it wasn’t going anywhere.
Living in this world, wanting to change it, or simply to change the way we think we think - does not flow into a design of us, it is the design of us. Like a book, when you are done, you’ve read your life, cover to cover.
~~~
Thanks(sic) to those who offered a gout diagnosis. Yikes, hope that’s not it; I did some reading, about pain and reduced protein intake. I want to doubt that it is gout. My youthful ego says I jammed the toe, sprained the toe. I’m not ready for gout, but maybe it is ready for me. Hurts less, swollen less, this morning. Reduced protein intake, and reduced portion size (red meat, sea food especially) on my agenda just the same. I’ll continue to read up on diet and lifestyle gout remedies. Ouch.
~~~
The other day I began my attempt to write poetry; not sure what it will look like until I try to sustain it – 3 days on, here’s the 4th:
CUTTING ACROSS
Cutting a sandwich,
an art form, like a play
with parts; it goes to
the belly and beats
in our hearts.
Like pairing bagpipes
with a Chopin fan, or fish
to peanut butter, the
sandwich is the place
where the coming together
parts, get cut apart.
The cut’s the thing then,
don’t you see?
It makes a sandwich
into art, two slices
have come together,
with their filling,
Now, cut across,
two parts, the same
but now apart.
Mark Kolke
323,768
203.8
RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: musing@maxcomm.ca
March 22 Comments
March 22 – WHATEVER REMAINS – When life got tough I made a promise to myself that I would at least look up at the sky in the morning and at night. You remind me to do that and I thank you for it. Cheers, PL,
March 22 – WHATEVER REMAINS - You might want to get that big toe checked for gout. If you don't remember hurting it, and it's getting worse, that could be the underlying cause. Yes, it's often mistaken for an injury…it's a build up of uric acid crystals in the joint. I know you don't drink, but gout is caused by your body having too many purines in your system (anything from too much protein to mushrooms has them). Take care, SR, Calgary, AB
March 22 – WHATEVER REMAINS - Painful, swollen, red, throbbing big toes that have had no recent, memorable trauma, suggests that you may have gout. Eat any seafood recently? LP,
March 22 – WHATEVER REMAINS - That's lovely. And you continue to grow in your writing. As your reader who is 85 said, "...if each day brings you new experiences and new joys even with sorrows your life is a joy." Thoughtful words beget soulful thoughts. Hope your toe gets better. Such a small thing can have such huge effect, FO, Kaunakakai, HI
March 21 – PADDLING – Hello Mark, Just got back to town and am catching up with the "Musings" and read about this being the 7th anniversary for you. It is wonderful Mark to be part of this very large extended "family" that you have created. I am privileged to be counted in your original group of 7 and wish you another great 7 years of Musings, JJ, Calgary, AB
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