Mark Is Musing

WRAP AN IDEA IN ACTION - Mark’s Musing Thursday Feb. 18, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -1C/29F, clearing up, daylight paints the houses happy shades, yesterday’s ice/water slurry sits on the cusp of melting, trash truck noise breaks the silence and Gusta keeps on sliding on the ice-junk.

 

I’ve come close – in play, work and life; to stretch and promise. This pinnacle of high achievement on my mind, and in quiet of my empty room, I cannot help but wonder, had I taken a different path, what then?  It spills off TV screen, energy and zeal of keen competition doesn’t seem to recognize flag or country, but rewards very best, in one moment leaving yesterday’s hero deflated, tomorrow’s star anointed. We are, in our own way, champions; we don’t compete every four years, but we compete every morning. We get up, we get going.  How it would be, if it had been different?  To rise to tasks, to fall down and to get up again; please, let me get back in the race? 

 

We open doors and ideas; ripped open, we pick a baton or idea to run with, not knowing which route is best, we pick it up just the same, we run hard just the same, we stretch to meet some far off finish line where pessimism equals pain. But optimism defeats pain, gives rise to hope; then hope slowly grows, to wash us, bathe us fresh in sunlight and paradise dream colors that wrap us gently, joyously and calmly with love and grace.

 

This dawn seemed optimistic.  By noon day will be in full flight, eager for a great afternoon so that it can rest easy after dinner, knowing it has been spent well, drifts off to sleep. What began with an expectation, a dream – ended with another sunset; so, again, we try.  To wrap idea in action, to dream and believe it – nothing can stop us. 

 

Doing some thing – anything at all – might be better than doing nothing at all.  If we try nothing, we get nothing. So easily, is doing nothing; nothing ventured, nothing, no thing, gets us any result. One might think doing something, anything, would be better, might be best; Sir Edmund Hillary said: ‘It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.’

 

In that place between imagination and my potential – there is a longing that drives me; a need to fulfill, a feeling to have, to better understand my purpose in life. It doesn’t seem to fall out of a dream or from the leftovers of a conversation.  Where is it then?

 

I’ve tried going fast – pushing hard – that doesn’t seem to work for me as it once did (or maybe it never did); maybe it’s time to go slow. 

 

Going slow through life is no more rational than going fast; we have no control over the pace of events, the appearance of characters – and each dawn comes whether we are awake to embrace it or not, we simply need to feel the fear, and do it anyway. 

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

SPECTACULAR DAY - Mark’s Musing Wednesday Feb. 17, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 0C/32F, overcast, 4 inches (and still falling) ‘light snow’ proved to be anything but light; like shoveling standing water, but Gusta loved it, everything painted fresh white, a cool wet drag for her underbelly in spectacular hopeful fresh spring air.

 

‘What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life.’- Emil Brunner

 

I hope.  When someone utters those words, opportunity’s door opens.  I hope to help, I hope to be, I hope to see, I hope to be able; the list goes on and on, the hopes we have. They live in us, often hidden away from view, but they live just the same.

 

When my hope has cold water poured on it, it only grows stronger; when my hope is squelched, set aside or dashed … it only grows stronger. When someone stands in my way, I want to climb over obstacles, when someone shows me the way, I want to follow; when someone says there might be a way, then my hope grows and sustains me.

 

I have so many reminders, they confirm to me how important our connections become through the magic of common interests, joined spirits or by being connected as family, held together by connections that ebb/flow without regard to frequency of contact, they just are, they continue and they rarely fade. Connections, once made, have extraordinary lives as they keep extraordinary lives connected.

 

The world gives us people; some born into our lives, some stumble in to ours, some we seek out and we tumble into theirs.  The magic shows pop up along the journey, not just at some future time in some other place; the journey is as joyous as the destination.

 

Hope means so much; together with timing and location, so important in all personal and commercial relationships.  Of choosing the right time, to be in the same place, to choose the right partners, to be together in mind and locale challenges to remember good things don’t happen by wishing alone, but nothing happens without hope. And staying connected and re-connecting.

 

To those Olympic athletes, congratulations for working so hard and hoping so much.

 

To my father resting in hospital for another couple of days to get rid of his troubles, I hope he gets better soon.

 

To my daughter Krista who celebrates her 30^th birthday today (the world has not been the same since she arrived) I hope you have a spectacular day. Happy birthday!

 

To my future – you know who you are, you know where we’ll be; keep hoping, and I’ll keep hoping, and we’ll get there, at the right time and in the same place – both feet, deep end of the pool.

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 16 Comments

 

February 16 – SEE THINGS OTHERS FAIL TO SEE – I love your expression" much heavy lifting old memories while leaping after new ones". Having just passed Valentine's Day, being with one but yearning another, I feel the weight of those memories. I usually move on when it comes to carrying a grudge because I view each day as a new day. However when it comes to affairs of the heart, which I know you are struggling with now, it seems that all can be going well and then a vivid memory puts me right back to the initial heartbreak. I hope for your sake, as well as for mine, that time will reduce the burden of the memories, CG, Mississauga, ON

THINGS OTHERS FAIL TO SEE - Mark’s Musing Tuesday Feb. 16, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk (very late): -2C/27F, light freezing rain overnight left thin layer of skid-fun-tumble-slippery on everything; Gusta couldn’t quite figure it out (her falling repeatedly was hilarious harmless fun) while tungsten studded stretch-ons kept my feet connected to the earth, though barely, and my thoughts vertical.

 

(to those who called/wrote inquiring, my dad is OK; a pneumonia and an infection but both seem manageable; they are keeping him in hospital for a few days to sort that out. He’s resting and breathing easy – the treatment helped a lot and quickly)

 

Life’s value, rooted in what we do, who we do it with and who we do it for, but the spirit of life - that’s a different matter.  Not in a religious sense; but ‘feeling down to your toes’ ownership of own body, own life, own destiny - that I was thinking about yesterday. Many hours in emergency room cubicle #35 has that effect.

 

There, my dad became known as #35. Not even ‘patient #35’, but ‘take #35 down for a chest x-ray’ … it was funny, not de-humanizing; generic and confidential, not sinister – but it made me wonder what life would be like if we were just an identifier (to say nothing of the plight and wailing semi-delirious pain of #34; please silence #34) but for each of us there is a person or a family or pooch connected to us – our identity, our spirit, can never be reduced to a number or simples sentence of explanation.

 

I was organizing my day, in my head – for this column; pouring thoughts to page, then power went off, for only a couple minutes; when it restored, my thoughts were lost along with those keystrokes; Gusta, startled by things beeping that didn’t normally beep and lights going off – scrambled upstairs, planted herself underfoot and hasn’t moved.

 

I’ve written this column twice now; this one’s better. Time now to make some moves and make some calls, weekend’s over, normal (hate that word) returns.  Feed your brain something fresh today, feed your critters something different, change their pace too; feed your mind some love. I don’t know the source of these words, but they seem right at this moment: ‘Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.’

 

To know who I am – where I’m going, such strong drive; right now, some life altering moments (two lately; but with so much going on I am unclear about which were those moments, and which were so many other things whirling by).

 

Sleep cycle, on weird setting, still; belly set on ‘eat not-hospital cafeteria food’, bank balance set at ‘month end’, shoulder/neck set on ouch - twinge from falling asleep on couch, my heart set strange too, it aches a little too; much heavy lifting old memories while leaping after new ones – mix, yearning and fearing, concern for dad, for myself, for someone incredibly kind and fine – recent events connect past, present and future.

 

To be safe, clear - stay between life’s ditches – just go down middle of road, slowly. It must be easy, many people doing it.  But, there is so much more value to venture, to adventure, to risk love and chance, to not thinking ‘outside the box’ but asking ‘why a box?’   

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 15 Comments

 

February 15 – GUNG HAY FAT CHOY – You quote Lao Tzu, one of my favorites! Prayers for your father, MD, Arlington, VA

 

February 15 – GUNG HAY FAT CHOY - Thinking of you this Family Day  with prayers that all goes well  for your Dad.  Hopefully not too long a wait at Emerg!!, BR, Calgary, AB

 

February 15 – GUNG HAY FAT CHOY - Sending healing thought to your father and you. JW-Cochrane-Calgary, AB and right now Vancouver  

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY - Mark’s Musing Monday Feb. 15, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: 1C/34F, ice-fog abated, overcast, light dusting of snow covers ice ruts, Gusta like the skidding, I was in a hurry so all I felt was that fresh air in my nostrils.

 

This is the Family Day holiday here in Alberta, Presidents Day in the United States; and it is Chinese New Year. The year of the Tiger begins; I’ve been researching compatibility of to Ox and Rabbit just for fun but I don’t believe in astrology, though it is fun. Gung Hay Fat Choy to all my Chinese readers – may the new year bring you good fortune and good health.  It seems fitting, today, to quote a great Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu:

 

‘Love is, of all passions, the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.’

 

And,

 

‘When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.’

 

And,

 

‘If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.’

 

And,

 

‘Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.’

 

And my favorite,

 

‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.’

 

Each day brings both the expected, and the unexpected; the things we enjoy most and the things we fear most.  Getting up doesn’t cause them, staying in bed doesn’t prevent them. There is so much I don’t know, but these things I know for sure.

 

My day begins with and a general sense of foreboding, hoping today is a good day, as it begins with a trip to the emergency room with my dad to investigate his worsening cold and coughing that won’t subside.  Must run now . .

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 14 Comments

 

February 14 – THOSE WHO MATTER MOST – Something just shifted in my mind as I read the readers responses to yesterday's musing. Three women, who obviously have had some measure of relationship with you, whether dear friend or lover, each expressed the impact you have had upon them. I once saw an Italian film, shot in dreamy style in a small coastal village, of a man who loves many women, because none of them individually can fill his deepest desires to "have it all". His perfect composite woman was elusive; he found aspects of her in various loves, but kept yearning beyond what each could give him. He was oblivious that in each encounter, it was perfect for the time, and because he loved with abandon, each woman felt so sensually devoured, appreciated, celebrated, that he changed them forever. It was only upon his death bed, that he finally saw what precious gifts all the women were to him, and he to them. So, I agree with LP; "Be grateful for this amount of love. You have far more than others." Happy V day to you my friend. Love will find a way, SW Coeur d'Alene, ID   

 

February 14 – THOSE WHO MATTER MOST - Happy St.Valentines day to you. JW-Cochrane/Calgary, AB enroute to Vancouver

 

February 14 – THOSE WHO MATTER MOST - Succinct and right on the money, for the most part. But love is not something one can turn on and off. It has a way of grabbing you, steering you, rewarding you if you're lucky, hurting you deeply if you're not. It is life's most meaningful experience. One can respect, show kindness and compassion and offer companionship, but that's as close to love as we can control our interactive feelings. On the other hand, false expressions of love gets us nowhere. Let us hope that we find a soul mate (and I have no idea how many we can have), EG, Calgary, AB

 

February 13 – FAA(forever and always)  - Somehow, somewhere, at some point in life, each one of us must, in their own way, eventually come to finally reconcile their own life with country music, KK, Calgary, AB

 

THOSE WHO MATTER MOST - Mark’s Musing Sunday Feb. 14, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -8C/17F, ice-fog overcast and breezy; Gusta didn’t like it either so our walk was utilitarian and short.

 

Warm inside again, coffee’s hot, Frank and Gladys are belting out tunes and it’s time to polish this column and send it off . . happy V-day everyone!

 

I have much to say this Valentine’s day; more than I could include here. Continuing on yesterday’s theme, I wrote an FAA piece, and posted it on 360boom e-magazine; thanks very much too SC for your words, FO for yours too.

 

It will drive you happy, drive you mad; it will drive you to every kind of distraction when you have it, and even more when you don’t.  Seneca said: ‘If you wish to be loved, love.’

 

This guarantees little in terms of results, but means everything in terms of how you’ll feel.  Romantic love may not be returned to you. The person(s) you love may not love you, may never love you, or may not love you in the way you wish they would. Still, by giving your love away, you have a chance at least that some will find you.  Conversely, by not giving any love away, you likely assure that little will come your way.  That’s not Seneca’s wisdom, that’s mine.

 

Love is not where you look for it; so often, it finds us where we were not even looking and when we weren’t even looking; love is where your passions are, love is what you live for. Find, call, seek out and take time to tell the people you care most about, and say I LOVE YOU, say it out loud, say it at the top of your lungs. Don’t do it for today. Don’t do it for Valentine’s day. Do it every day.  Sing it loud, say it proud.

 

Tell those who matter most to you, that they matter most.

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 13 Comments

 

February 13 – FAA(forever and always)  – I hope you see how many people love you.  From the responses to your sad musing you should be able to.  I do.  Your mind tells you that you are alone but you are connected to so many others who look forward to seeing your writings each day, who live with you in and through your words, who feel the same emotion you do as they read, who are all wishing for your success, who are all on standby to rescue you should you fall.  Be grateful for this "amount" of love.  You have far more than others. I also wanted to let you know that for a few days your musings have not been loading right when I get them. I have to go to the link to see the entire entry.  This may be happening to others as well. Hang in there. The best is yet to come.  Are you ready for it?, LP, Wailuku, HI

 

February 13 – FAA(forever and always)  – I began reading Musings again about a year ago. I watched the changes in your life as you recorded them on paper - the good times, the difficult times. But it was always with such passion and depth because that is who you are. Then a few days ago I saw a picture in a magazine of a small package with a rose on it that said ‘a complete rose garden’. A sense of peace came over me and I knew that the silence between us since Hawaii was at an end. I have come to believe that we have more than one soul mate. Someone who comes into our lives for a while and when they leave, if we are very lucky, there has been something life altering that has occurred and we are changed forever. You did that for me. We had many wonderful times and made so many memories. But it was not until one night after we had parted, as we sat talking in your place on 117 Street, that I began to understand the significance of those changes. I too come across notes now and then and they are sweet reminders of the romance and our experiences together and how those times changed me and my life forever and always. And I thank you for that. I wish you peace in your soul and may you find the one that will always be there with you in dawn's early light, SC, Lake George, NB

 

February 13 – FAA(forever and always)  –   I also am feeling heightened emotions. A concert was held near my Honolulu hotel last night. Two singers performed, Cecilio and Kapono, were throw backs to my high school years.  A time of potential life, incredible laughter.  A time when loss and grief didn't exist. So I opened the balcony door turned off the lights and listened to sappy songs from my youth.  And I cried and bawled and wondered when I became incapable of the unadulterated joy of my youth?  And yet. Here I am. Missing. And I miss you. Your columns make me smile and weep. They have since Oct. 24,  FO, Kaunakakai, HI

FAA(forever and always) - Mark’s Musing Saturday Feb. 13, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -11C/11F, overcast ice-foggish, warming slowing but not fast enough; Gusta and I slip-skidded on crusty moonscape left behind from two days of freeze thaw encountering a blue-heeler pup dragging its owner along behind.

 

This note; it comes from the deep end of the pool. You know, ‘both feet, deep end of the pool’, the place we leap to, often quickly without clarity of thought or enough time left between the last time and this time, without regard to swimming ability. When I feel something – love, hurt, joy, pain (I usually book the package deal) – I seem more alert, love songs on the radio grab my attention, ballads hit home, hit hard; and conversations have more import, sights seem clearer, thoughts more profound.

 

Time alone is good.  Being alone is good.  Living alone is good. If you believe that, read no further. On the other hand, if you wish for much more out of life, read on:

 

We are all in this game of life, alone.  And we won’t survive this life; trust me, it’s been proven.  But we all want to stretch it out - for as long as we can so there can be some measure of us, our work, our life and legacy, left behind. 

 

For most of us that means children, and/or a great relationship with a partner (perverse I suppose that we all want a life-partner but nobody wants to be the one ‘left’ behind, alone), some life’s work or symbol that we were here, for a while, something symbolic that we did something good for the world or fellow man, or someone while we were here.

 

Alone, we come in, alone we go out; in between, we seek company and comfort, friendship and stimulation, love and friendship, time and attention of others.   We need it.  We can live without it; but not very well.  Or, we can choose to share it with someone. Sounds so simple; maybe it is, maybe I’ve made it too complicated in my life.

 

“I’d rather have seen dawn’s early light from where you are ….”, read that note in my mail box some twenty-one years ago, a note that started something absolutely life altering.  I mislaid that note along the way, but I’ve never forgotten those words or their impact.

 

SC wrote the other day to remind me of a truth, her truth (mine too), about what I’ve left in my wake. Those words stimulated memories; of a fiery romance, several re-start attempt iterations - that triggered reminiscing about those Gidget-look-alike grins, magic, fire, smiles, grimaces, the turkey issue, the mitre saw. the ketchup incident, the chemistry, the comedy, the failings and spectacular memories. Some fade, they require noodging from time to time.

 

I keep finding notes; most recently from FO, left on my dining room table. It’s filed away. In my treasures.  FAA

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 12 Comments

 

February 12 – LONENESS – I truly hope my comments were not among those you found distressing yesterday.  What I shared was meant to offer some sort of plausible explanation for what might have impacted the outcome.  I am always here for you - a person you can call in the middle of the night if you need a receptive ear; someone who will always give you a hug - in thought if not embrace.  If I did something to upset you, please let me know, CB, Calgary, AB

 

February 12 – LONENESS – re: solitude, I think I may be more broken then I thought.
Maybe I should visit the section in the book store labeled "broken people" to get help and guidance. Most days in my home in the valley I am just alone. Most nights, in my room, a room which was once a place for two souls, lonely is the better word. Every dawn, I am grateful that nights give way to days, returning me to the comfortable state of being just alone -- endless night would be unbearable right now. So, I too shall use the solitude to repair and fix concrete matters and to finish things left undone. But as for my heart, how will I fix that?, FO, Kaunakakai, HI

 

February 12 – LONENESS – That is what I admire most about you - seeking/striving for that which you know is out there for you. I am sure there was plenty of discussion and I trust the resultant outcome will sit with you for awhile yet. You are inspiration to me. When given the opportunity (that few get) to say "What is my ideal of a committed/long term "love" relationship?"  I thought, I dreamed and I quickly set it to the back burner and immersed myself in other facets of life.  Simply put, I sought a relationship where the initial "can't wait to be with you again" ....never dies! Even if the separation is only for a few hours. If I keep listening to you......I will eventually chase my heart's passion again....but these days are content with the dream I am presently living. A very quiet, contemplative lifestyle......with pen and paintbrush.....being my "date Partners".  And fantasy rarely shared. If having it "all" is your desire.....there is nothing less that will suffice. So each door, each fork in the road, each path not taking will be ventured.......just to see if that is where it "all" lives. Trek on. I "see" good things in your words of late. It is all there ahead of you. Enjoy your weekend, LAR, Winnipeg, MB, (PS. I still have faith that he may walk in my office door someday (without any effort) and hopefully I won't slam it without taking the time to let it grow!)

LONENESS - Mark’s Musing Friday Feb. 12, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -6C/20F, partly cloudy, another freeze/thaw day ahead, nostrils filled with the freshest air, Gusta distracted by yapping lap-dogs two blocks away . .

 

Happy weekend and GO Canada!  Weekend begins (Family Day holiday here, Presidents day in U.S.); perfect couch-potato opportunity – Olympic Winter Games, hopes up for athletes, families and countrymen everywhere, but none more than here in Canada, in Calgary (host of the 1988 games), I believe.

 

Understanding someone’s rationale, actions and words - doubly complex compared to understanding my own.  For what reason did someone say something hurtful, someone else do something inconsiderate, yet another behave in a way that makes no sense to me; and all on the same day?  No answers emerge. On the flip side, recently I’ve done things that could just as easily confuse or hurt others,. Maybe this is my deserved comeuppance.

 

To cover bases: to those I’ve hurt along my way, I’m sorry, truly. To those who’ve loved me along the way, when fit/staying power wasn’t there, I’m sorry. To those who’ve come from an island, visited an island or been voted off an island – I’m sorry for my indelicacy. I don’t get to like what people say, or what they do; I get to accept or deny it. I have to accept it.

 

Wounds and metaphors heal, but departure of someone special never leaves us the same; standing on a sidewalk next to a taxi or at a departure point at an airport, surgical removal of ‘what was, or what might have been’. It doesn’t leave a physical scar, but something is clearly gone just the same; to FO, now safely back on home soil in Hawaii, I asked you to come anytime, to stay as long as you like and you did. Gusta misses you, and so do I.

 

Loneness (un-lonely kind), state of being solitary – is about one’s own good company; no interactions, no interference with my whims or schedule, no one in my space; this is quiet, character building time without interruption of creative impulses at any time of day or night, no one to talk to, no one to tell things to, no one to listen to, no one to touch me or to be touched by me.  This solitary idyllic twisted notion ought to be a choice. I suppose, it is, if you consider a series of choices which together with the universe have combined these circumstances, these feelings and this timing. Still, right now, most of it really sucks.

 

So much has been written on this subject. I like this quote from Paul Tillich: ‘Language has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.

 

At this moment I don’t feel glory, at all. I am entering a period of considerable solitude with occasional pleasant people interruptions – but, mostly solitude. I have a number of things to do which require just that, and I think I need some right now too.

 

I’m roiled, sleep cycle off-track, indigestion (praise the Tums bottle); stunned/surprised by words/actions I didn’t expect, from people I didn’t expect.  To SC you’ve added much to my experience and thought processes. Your words bite, but they are not nasty in nature or intent.  Your words remind me of having my finger nearly cut off; it heals up, but there is always a reminder (both pain and laughter) on very cold days and on very hot nights.

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

 

 

 

February 11 Comments

 

February 11 – ILUSIVE QUARRY – I’m not an expert, or even close.  I feel that God has the perfect person in mind for me, and whether I’ve derailed the connection a few times, maybe he needs time to get that perfect person back to me.  Maybe all of the others were there to pass the time and not be lonely.  Maybe I’ve only realized how to love myself, making love for someone else possible.  But I have faith that the perfect person is still out there, and I can’t bring myself to settle.  I will keep my mind and heart open until the moment “I know” that it’s right, KH, Stuart, FL

 

February 11 – ILUSIVE QUARRY - If having it "all" is your desire.....there is nothing less that will suffice. So each door, each fork in the road, each path not taking will be ventured.......just to see if that is where it "all" lives. Trek on. I "see" good things in your words of late. It is all there ahead of you, LAR, Winnipeg, MB

 

February 11 – ILUSIVE QUARRY - Am I reading that the watercolor dream of happily ever after with your soul mate in tropical paradise, has harder edges to it? "The painter(s) had painted it in ways that seemed so real, dreams overtook reality, hope's imagination run amuck; fairy tale got ahead of itself." Two artistic souls, each with their own color palette, create a masterpiece on the background of a foundation canvas. Is it a surprise that they don't look alike? Do you even like the other's creation? Can the paintings hang together and be complimentary? You'll sort it out. Sometimes the quest is more exciting than arriving at the place; the journey has more possibilities than the destination allows.  I'm so sorry about this development, but having just had my time with the Toronto film maker, where I was sure in person we'd be enthralled, it was not to be. Better to have danced, than not to have danced at all! , SW, Coeur d'Alene, ID

 

February 11 – ILUSIVE QUARRY - Ok I've tried to not make any comment about what you have written recently but today just have to say that you have been loved - fully and deep end of the pool love. It just wasn't with someone you loved back the same way - and sometimes it's not just about love. My only other comment is maybe you shouldn't take anyone else to Hawaii. Look there instead! I'm now by the lake and in a very good place in my life. Susan#2, SC, Lake George, NB

 

February 11 – ILUSIVE QUARRY - Love does not hide.  Love is.  It is not a verb with a past tense. Love's purpose is to be given. Love is selfless.  It has no conditions on how it returns.  Love cannot be measured based on the amount given.  It can only be understood...through it's own eyes.  Love has no wrong way of loving.  People love in different ways based on their own understanding of what it is. And here lies the expectation, condition and confusion of it all.   If Agape, or unconditional love, is what you seek, you will not find it unless you yourself are giving it.  If you are expecting the same "amount" given in return, then it was not love at all.  It was a need that should have been communicated, LP, Wailuku, HI

ELUSIVE QUARRY - Mark’s Musing Thursday Feb. 11, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -10C/13F, fresh, calm – melting-away warming trend welcome, as is sunshine (absence of that incessant fog), picked up mail at the box on our morning path, then Gusta’s nose took over (trash day in Cranston) as we explored pre-dawn dark.

 

I get to choose for me, not anyone else.  Hard for most of us to do because we DO want to choose for someone else; we want them to say, do, decide and think in just the perfect way to fit our wishes, hopes, dreams, desires. Reciprocity, is an elusive quarry.

 

No one is bad, flawed or impure for making decisions which are not to my liking; no one is off track, off key or off base thinking differently than me, caring differently than me or aching for different things than me. That’s OK.  Not what I wish for, but that’s OK.

 

Life and love both deliver highs, lows and transition moments; some people call these learning opportunities.  Some say they suck. We’ve all been in both mindsets, often on the same day. But, what can we do in life, with life, for life – if not to confront our anxiety, and the anxiety of others; is that not the essence of our worth, our value, our purpose?

 

This is my quest, my angst, my need to find it – find it all; it needs to show up in my mirror, but also it needs to show up on my horizon, near or far, in someone else.  Grasping, and gasping, for something we want, wish we could have, thought we had in the palm of our hand; feels like the thirsty man crawling toward the oasis, or is it a mirage, or something else altogether.  The thirst blinds us to what we might see, prevents us from seeing the value in anything because our thirst needs to be quenched.

 

Thirsting; not within mirage reach, but in a genuine oasis of many delights.  I’ve misread what the future was to hold, the painter(s) had painted it in ways that seemed so real, dreams overtook reality, hope’s imagination run amuck; fairy tale got ahead of itself.

 

Where is love hiding; I’ve been looking for it, for such a long time.  Giving it, not getting it in return, giving it and getting something else instead. Equilibrium, balance, verve, joy, pursuit of opportunities, ideas – thrilling is the pursuit of it, but at the end of the day, reality invades, always, balloon leaks its air - somewhat deflated, not pin-popped, just loosing pressure, evacuating the hot breath that filled it in the first place.

 

Who is responsible?  You, me, or someone else?  In the end, if there is no one responsible, perhaps we didn’t assign responsibilities effectively. Those are good principles, if we are leading a team, bossing a crew or building an army.  But, in relationships of so many kinds, we tend to own (or dis-own) responsibility for ‘the whole thing’ as often as ‘just for our part’ – the nature of relationships, and part of their failings too.

 

I could quote words of solace, or from Frost’s ‘Road Not Taken’.  I feel like I’ve taken that road many times, the other one; the path that wanted wear too – then took another fork, another, then another – each time believing it was the right path at the right time leading in the right direction with the right person based on so many right choices and right feelings.  My imagination always embracing the notion that it would be all those ‘right’s for someone else too.

 

Turning points, forks in the road – lead to another path, fork or another fork choosing day. I’ve had my share of these fork-ing opportunities for a while. Time to rest, recharge, refresh and review paths I’ve taken - time too, to remind myself to never ever forget that I’ll always miss 100% of the shots I don’t take.

 

Mark Kolke

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I ONLY SEE UP - Mark’s Musing Wednesday Feb. 10, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -1C/29F, light cloud parting to reveal the dawn, warmer temps coming but this morning is chilly in many ways; Gusta enjoying more exploration of the field as she investigates the smell of everyone who has ever been there.

 

The taste of, glimmer of, belief in and hope for what we want – doesn’t work out that way sometimes; sometimes doors slams, sometimes they slam shut – are locked, sometimes left open a crack.  No way of knowing if it might be pried open again one day.

 

This is true for many relationships; friends, business or romantic . . except with dogs. They don’t care what’s gone on before - whatever twists, turns or troubles there have been they wag and wiggle, lick and get close for heavy petting. Each day they have a new love affair with life. That’s something we should all do.  

 

When I am up, I only see up, only look up; I believe that when we are so busy looking up we forget there is a down.  To fly without net, swinging life’s trapeze – flips, spins, high swings; not immune to risk or fall or mistake, but expecting only good things.

 

When I am down, I only see up; when I am down I believe that’s as low as I can go, so the only way, is up. I’d far rather have high expectations and take risks knowing risk of crushing disappointment is a hair-split away. Every action or inaction, carry these risks.

 

Expectations are about ‘expected’.  Life and risk, is ‘unexpected’. Unexpected comes, out of blue, from places we weren’t looking – to be respected – as stupendous good fortune, stretching and being stretched, opportunity to be savored, kept or discarded, it is life!

 

I risk disappointment. No matter what I do, life – at any stage, in every way, at any moment - is fraught with risk. When we avoid risk, or attempt to, we are still in the risk cauldron; headlong plunge into it makes us neither oblivious or immune to it.

 

I don’t expect solutions emerge because I take risk, or because I avoid it; I don’t expect solutions because I have expectations or lack them.  Charlotte Bronte wrote : ‘Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.’  She was right.  Stephen Hawking wrote: ‘When one’s expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have.’  He was right too.

 

The greatest risks one can take, I’ve taken.  Because of them, I’m fearless. This does not mean I am immune to anything - but; I’ve been born, lived, loved, given life, worked, played, laughed, cried, mourned, succeeded, failed, succeeded again, failed again, succeeded, failed . . so many things; I’ve given, taken, given away, taken away.  I am all I could have been, should have been; still, I’ve not had enough. If I want more life, more of life, then I need also to accept, to acknowledge, that my fair share of hurts and disappointments come with that.

 

Still, I want more.

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 9 Comments

 

February 9 – BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT FROM YOURS – I like the unhindered writing.  I like that you write what you feel and think freely.  It makes me open my mind to other points of view., KH, Stuart, FL

 

February 9 – BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT FROM YOURS - Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye ; If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it. ~Toni Morrison, JW-Cochrane/Calgary, AB

 

February 7 – LIKE REARRANGING PILLOWS - Loved your writing about re-arranging the pillows. I really need to have a pillow party in my house.... too many changes! And, aha...bumbleberry pie, only a Canadian would know that... they were the BEST at the Buffalo Mountain lodge in Banff.  I really DO MISS the Canadian Rockies...  I directed tours for 5 seasons there! Greetings from the tail-end of the Rockies, AJ, Sante Fe, NM

BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT FROM YOURS - Mark’s Musing Tuesday Feb. 9, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -12C/9F, clear and calm, the cranes on top of the new hospital look like silhouetted shore birds against first light glimmers; Gusta enjoyed a romp, and an alternative view from deeper snow in the field near the ball diamonds . .

 

See my view.  I see the same world you do; I see it my way. What do you see?

 

Adventure/misfortune of others – interesting/entertaining; not as useful as learning our own.  Gratifying as it is to have an audience, I write what pleases me, or pains me – not about them or for them.  I examine my issues, my ideas, my problems; they come to mind from some trigger or silly headline or what is happening in my mixed and often mixed-up life; to explore what I might be. This adventure, where I enjoy poking life with a stick, or pressing it closer with a pillow; at times it is nothing, at times it is everything.

 

Identify with what I have to say, or not. Enjoy it or rail against it. Support, argue, use delete key, or not. This is what there is to it; nothing more.

 

Look, at what I see; if only one view, for a brief while - then that is where I am looking, to see the world that way, or some different way, until it is time for something different. 

 

If I do this, what will happen?  If I do the other thing, will it matter much, will it work out – and how will it change the course of my life, your life or …. of history?

 

Waiting for something – someone, some event; aren’t we all?  I am waiting. For you, for me. Do give an answer, show me a glimmer, offer a clue to what the future holds. Don’t we all want to know; juicy drama, perched, edge of seats – wanting to know what happens next. Don’t give us an intermission, or candy-fluff, we want to know it all, want to know it now?

 

Look. See life. Through this lens, my lens; not a better lens but because it is different from yours. Anything seen from two views reminds me there are at least that many (often many more) ways to see. Seeing another, or any, or several others, may simply validate the view I had in the beginning. Or, prompt me to see another way to right an un-rightable, do an un-thinkable, or believe I can do the un-doable.

 

I used to be convinced that no issue, problem or conflict can be solved with a single action or a simple sentence, or a single word.  I’ve changed that view; I see the simple, singular and elegant solution as more rule than exception. If you don’t get it, consider how it feels to have someone’s hand touch you, or hold or shake yours. It might shake, or shake up, your world. And, imagine, the word YES (or it’s alter-ego NO) at the right moment, the right situation, the right person – a single syllable solution.  ‘PLEASE’ is another one, but be careful on the inflection because pull-leeeze has no joy in it.

 

I woke this morning - with clearly identified hopes, dreams, ambitions and values; these are my tools. The next few hours, and the people I encounter, are my raw material. I believe I can make something of it all. I’ll work on it. 

 

What are you working on today?

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to: mark.kolke@frameyourmessage.com  

 

 

February 8 Comments

 

February 8 – PERHAPS THEY WILL –  Wazzup? Can't tell from Musings... Just some wiggle room in today's column that left room for wonder..., CB, Calgary, AB