SOMEONE I LEFT BEHIND - Mark’s Musing Friday Jan. 29, 2010

today’s Musing  written and published from Cranston in south- east  Calgary, near the Bow River valley

 

Morning walk: -10C/13F, but it seems warmer than that; Gusta pawing softened snow, itching (and oblivious to traffic) to cross the street to meet a young Husky.

 

There is a little Holden Caulfield in all of us; the Catcher in the  Rye, a seminal work for many of us in our early teen years, as we learned about the catcher in the rye.  J.D. Salinger,  who created Holden’s rebellion that resonated with so many, died yesterday to the chagrin of those who wished to read more of his words and admiration of many writers, this one included.

 

Scary, huh?  Or, thrill ride.  When we ourselves, or when someone asks us what is going on, do we know it clearly enough to answer – and are we prepared to spill it out, spell it out, or is it best kept close and private?  Those issues; identity, belonging, connection, alienation – not reserved for adolescent ‘finding oneself’ Holdens, these dominate our lives, drive us to heights, or into corners; cause us to be our own best friend, or harshest critic.

 

What do I want?   What do you want?  We really must, know. Year, nearly 1/12^th gone; what have you done so far?  Doing right, knowing what is right, making it up, as we go along.

 

Destination chosen, goals to chase. Get me there, in one piece, on time; less travel, more journey - creative growth, idea crunching, dream chase, emotional stretch. I made a move, took a step, stumbled awkwardly, took consequences and lessons to heart. Lessons learned, not regretful … continue journey. What’s going on?, you ask.  I could answer ‘sweet joy, quiet reflection, dynamic, energetic’ - is that what you want to hear?

 

And, where are you headed, really?  For most of us, we’ve recovered from seasonal eating excesses, made token attempts to get fit, eat right, follow at least one resolution.

 

I was asked ‘who will you want to be?’.  Just who I am.

 

Crystal clear, moments of fuzzy, most transparently, most boyishly - grinning, changed, moved; shook things up.  Woke up, got moving again in a direction I’ve known but not taken; embarked on happiest, scariest, longest adventure in my life so far that reveals new twists each day.  Step by step journey. Scarcely begun.

 

I’ve left something, for something.   I’ve left someone behind, for someone new.  I did.

 

For something different, new; that someone was me. Did it for me, so I could follow the path I need to follow rather than someone else’s path.  The someone I left behind was a facet of me best left behind, not who I am or how I want to be; left, left behind. Left off, left over there, the place and direction no longer right for me, if it ever was. But, that is how we know, isn’t it?  When we pick a path, or a partner, we only know how it begins, we embark on the journey without clear picture how it will end, where it will go.

 

Moments of angst-gripping reality; we are naked for all to see, defining moments – when we distinguish between feeling of doing right from actually knowing what is right.

 

Where are you headed?

 

Mark Kolke

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RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to musing@maxcomm.ca

 

 

January 28 Responses 

 

January 28 – OUR SHARE OF STUFF – Interesting, Mark. What's going on?, CB, Calgary, AB

Comments

[Elliptical reviews]

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