ONE BY ONE, DAYS INCH BY - Mark’s Musing Tuesday Dec. 22, 2009

today’s Musing  written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

 

Morning walk: -14C/6F, light fresh snow, a soft blanket to comfort everyone and everything is coated in this layer of winter … Gusta rumbled down the alley just to keep the rabbits honest, this air in nostrils invigorates .. so much that I actually enjoyed shoveling the driveway.

 

Arthur Miller and Bertolt Brecht need not wake up, David Mamet need not worry that I’ll infringe on his market . . but I have a play in my head.  It is not obscure, it can be found; not hidden in these lines, it is here in plain sight, right here for you, message for you to see, with eyes wide open; you can see it can’t you?

 

Explaining ‘why’ of it. Looking at life, imagining future – turning each page to what happens next; gobbling this thriller, racing through speed-learning characters, to follow them experiencing twists and leaping obstacles, someone hurts, someone laughs, someone coughs in the 2^nd row, a chair shuffles at the back – we are all looking for mind-affecting experience through this suspension of the suspension of our disbelief to arrive at a real place, a real feeling, there we stand, at the happy spot, THE END.

 

The next act in this play, I’ll savor early in the new year – some drama, eyes wide open; remind myself the timing has nothing to do with my impatient desire to get on with a life that can be all that any of us imagine. Imagine. Imagine it.  Soon.

 

I’m working on my acceptance of this reality.  Characters in life or story, flawed – normal flawed – nothing to frighten, not predictable; split screen play, perhaps three acts, bouncing back, and forth, between two scenes (a pool deck somewhere warm, my desk here close the coffee pot); sign posts and music interrupt story to unsettle the audience …. alter flow, facilitate idea collisions, uncomfort, ecstasy – this play unfolds before our eyes.

 

Days inch, by, one by one, step, another step, imagination wanders to what it might be like without ‘this play’ in my life.  I cannot imagine the darkness of the canyon I would know without this. This is my life now. It changed.  I was watching, with eyes wide open. It changed, in front of me while I was watching. I’m no observer. I’m the writer, producer, director, stage manager … and I’m standing out there on the stage, alone, but knowing there will be other players to grace the stage because I write the play.  But do we ever write our own play?  Do we need co-authors?  Could we create anything this good alone, without them?  Ideas need work, collaboration, need to be chopped and sliced, then run through the grinder . . .

 

Curtain up.

 

Explaining why of it, with eyes wide open - I write, from far distance, to draw you close – closer – up close to be seen, each other’s mirror, in the next lane, on the ramp or coming to visit.  Truth and reality mix, on tongue, flavors, this brew of uncertain strength; but with eyes wide open, we look out each day, at little beyond distance that separates.

 

Not everything in life is ever exactly the way I want it, especially right now; I have hope this illogical, improbable irrational train of thought will be an on-time arrival; every day wrestling with facts, determinations of things I cannot control (so often they look like ones I can), get in the way, clearly seeing ones I can change is fuzzier late in the day. Overnight always brings fresh words to describe the un-describable; but words can’t describe what eyes feel, what my ears can see. If knees can jerk or a heart can feel, why can’t my fingertips believe, they’ll touch my future, my dream, my love of life?

 

I had a great ‘catch up’ lunch with MK yesterday; somewhere between second helpings, smoked salmon and key lime pie, past routine pleasantries, industry gossip/news and name-dropping - we moved paths; where blocks are laid, foundation of friendship, where ideas are shared and feeling exposed. Men, in our society, aren’t accustomed to doing this – it feels strange but healthy.  Like many things, we learn easy stuff slowly; but for the tougher stuff, we learn best when there is no comfort zone, no safety net, no rules, all risks.

 

Explaining myself – you probably have these challenges – to anyone other than myself, is like talking to someone I’ve never met, someone far away, someone far and away the best friend one could ever want; sometimes a stranger on the next golf cart, or a voice in wilderness in the middle of nowhere, calling out from over there.

 

Scene change, sunrise reveals colors beyond description. 

 

Looking at my life, pages turn slowly, this impossible improbability on one hand, predictable calm on opposite page; story line is mine, we make it up as the story moves along – what will happen next, which characters slide through this story, which ones stay for life?  Scene changes don’t change integral nature of characters, but, like the weather, are always subject to change at the whim of the writers.

 

Intermission.

 

This is the best thing I’ve written today.  Day just beginning here; there will be more of this day before it moves again to silent night … there will be so much more.

 

Mark Kolke

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195.7

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to musing@maxcomm.ca

 

 

December 21  Responses  

 

December 21 – EDGE OF EXCEPTIONAL – I have a big family and I can’t wait for Friday.  We will laugh and laugh some more at the blatant truths we will say to each other.  Then we will play Guesstures, the men against the women.  I will leave with no voice, due to the games and laughter, exhausted and full.  I love family, KH, Stuart, FL

 

December 21 – EDGE OF EXCEPTIONAL – Where are the photos?, SH, New York, NY   ….. Thanks so much for sharing!

 

December 21 – EDGE OF EXCEPTIONAL – Your musings was warm and wonderful. I believe you are right, we judge decisions and actions less on their intrinsic merit than on how everything looks in the rear view mirror.  I wonder what the view will be?, EC, Chicago, IL

 

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