DEAR SANTA - Mark’s Musing Thursday Dec. 24, 2009

today’s Musing  written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

 

Morning walk: -20C/-4F, cold, wind chill, clear, prediction of warmer days ahead, city moving at half-speed, few people working (or planning to) today; Gusta chasing rabbit candy as she loped down the alley route, packing snow into her webbing, dragging her snout and coat in the whiteness – little traffic, or noise, rabbits and magpies witness but don’t scatter, they see we are wise and knowing, they make a path for us to travel without impediment or delay.

 

I took more time with today’s column because I felt it needed more time. I think it is one of the most important statements of where I am at that I’ve articulated in a while, and it is represents my hopefulness for all my readers, friends and family at Christmas time, but also, and firstly, for myself.  I got up early, wrote most of this piece after I got back from the gym (virtually empty this morning), warming up, caffeine loading  - before taking Gusta out, then finished it (sometimes no amount of polishing seems enough . . sometimes the most important step of all is to ‘hit send’), and here it is:

 

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” .. M. Scott Peck

 

Truer answers?  Not black, or white, not true or untrue?  Truer.

 

 Sounds like shades of gray and dark gray to me.  Maybe it should be shades of white and bright white, but for now it seems more gray. So, what is life?   Why is it good?   Which is better; to manage/maximize success or to weather the storm of pain or failure?  The answers are not next to the crossword solution on Page F9, nor are they blowin’ in the wind.  Some days, I wonder, if I feel I know the answer, maybe that means I’ve misunderstood the question.

 

Feeling good is good. Doing for someone we care about is good.   Taking care of our needs, and needs of others, is worthy work.  Playing fair, having fun, living well, loving well, dreaming well, wishing well …. these are good things.  So too is struggling against a challenge, overcoming an adversary, struggling to break free/out of restraints on our spirit. 

 

I read news stories – perhaps it’s the time of year – recounting examples of how great adversity has been overcome or coped with by people enduring unimaginable events …. as I flip through a newspaper that, at the same time, chronicles success, excess and largesse as meritorious while shilling – with half-off sales and politic/media-speak.  Compared to the challenges of others, my wish-list seems petty, small, selfish, unreasonable in its demands (requests) …. but they are no less real for me.

 

I’ve been pondering this time, not as year-end review or next-year forecast, but as though I am standing at a gate.   Right in front of me, no latch on it, just a creaky hinge – perhaps to make noise as I go through it – fair warning to all and notice to me that this is a pivotal moment; this is going forward, no going back. Going forward, no regret. Going forward . . .

 

But what?  Does going through this gate have to be painful?  Anguished?  Hurtful to me, or to anyone?  In theory, it shouldn’t.  In reality, I’m not so sure.  Much thought has been dedicated to this issue lately.  Maybe, if reduced to simple components, simple decisions, simple steps, sequential steps, stepping through this gate will be easier. Step. Another step. Then another.

 

An ordinary sort of gate; leading up to it, a path I’ve traveled for 58 largely content and fulfilled years (this favorable view is not truth … but it sounds nice, doesn’t it?); so much time wasted, used up, tossed aside or squandered (youth IS wasted on the young), issues, people and projects which, in retrospect neither warranted the time, the effort or the best of me (though I question whether I gave the ‘best’ of me to much of it…but I digress).

 

At this gate, the path on the other side leads somewhere; I believe it is a future path. It too will be littered with things that don’t work, time squandered – but I think much less will be wasted.  Not because experience makes me a better choice-maker (though it should) but because there is a greater sense of purpose on that path, because I better understand my raison d'être – a phrase we’ve borrowed from the French – which means "reason for being"; in English, it suggests a rationalization - "the claimed reason for the existence of something or someone".

 

~~~~

 

DEAR SANTA/calling out to the universe/to the north pole, to Maui, to Calgary . . and all points in between:  what I want for Christmas is to walk through that gate, to step boldly and confidently into the path on the other side; what I want is to walk in sunshine, rise and sleep under a starry sky, be warm, be well, live in paradise, have difficult and worthy things to do, to write something important every day; I want pleasures of the flesh and of the mind, I want to work hard and eat well, I want to live and love with integrity, I want to give and get all that I want and, as those doctors swear, ‘do no harm’ in the process.  Santa, I’ll give you all the milk and cookies in the world if you’ll grant my wishes. I don’t think I’m a bad little boy for having this Christmas list that is so ‘me’ focused.  I really do want things for others too.  I want to help someone. I want to be useful to someone. I want to see someone else feel good because of what I’ve done. I expect to make mistakes, but not regrets - to find ways, but not excuses, to hold on, but not hold back. I want to be ready, whether or not I am always able, to give time and effort. I want someone else’s hurts, dreams, wishes and wants made better and fulfilled by my actions. I care about the poor, the homeless, the bereaved, the lost, the forgotten, OK? .. So, can my wishes be not just about me, but about someone else too? 

 

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Life is what we make it.  When we do something worthy of our talents and capabilities that benefits someone other than ourselves, I believe that is good.  I’m not selfless. I’m not.  So much of Dear Santa ‘wishes list’ is about ourselves (sorry if I’ve lumped all of you in with me, but I think I’m not the only one interested in ME or WE) wanting what makes us feel good, pleases us, pleasures us, is good, feels good . . therefore, it must be good. Right?

 

It would be so nice, I suppose, at this time of year especially, to claim motivation for doing things is for the benefit of some poor unfortunate person or group, for society, or for the world.  But it’s not. Most of my motivation is entirely self-serving.  By that, I don’t mean ‘greed is good’, but rather …. doing well by ourselves and those we care about is OK, has merit.  Wishing for what we want, because we want it and belief these things and actions will bring us pleasure, or do some good (for others, the world etc.), that our ‘feeling so great about what we are doing, and how we are doing it’ has merit and that some might rub off on others, help others, inspire others.  Or just to bask in it, feeling ‘these gifts make me feel fantastically improbably fortunate and luckier than all others on the planet’ ..

 

Please Santa … consider my request.

 

Mark Kolke

326,004

195.3

 

 

RESPONSES/COMMENTS ALWAYS WELCOME; send to musing@maxcomm.ca

 

 

December 23  Responses  

 

December 23 – SHE ALWAYS HAS UP-TIME FOR ME – Amen mister!  Loved your closing paragraph to Gusta.  We have two 8 month old puppies and although they may sometimes frustrate us, 99.999% of the time they do nothing but bring us joy, laughter and unconditional love.  Sans any technology we have connected with them in a way that only another animal lover could relate to.  Best wishes to you and your entire family (humans and animals alike) for a cool yule and a Happy New Year, MW, Calgary, AB

 

December 23 – SHE ALWAYS HAS UP-TIME FOR ME – I am so impressed with your love & attention you give Gusta, she's a very luck girl to have you in her life.  Have a very Merry Christmas with your family & extended family.  All the best in 2010. Dogs are one of my most favorite "people".  Even though I've never met Gusta give her a big hug from me., MC, Rural Alberta 

 

December 23 – SHE ALWAYS HAS UP-TIME FOR ME – Delightful post today, Mark. The homage to Gusta is touching, the way I feel about my "boys", the Westies Jack and Seamus. They are my re-booter. So much better to be linked-in with them, though I do enjoy the touch of my human honey. It's a daily joy to read your columns. Merry Christmas!, MD, Arlington, VA

 

December 23 – SHE ALWAYS HAS UP-TIME FOR ME-  Best Wishes, Mark, For holiday season time with your family and friends.  For 2010, I wish you all the "magic" spirit that is needed to keep you writing from the soul through the next year. And the next. And the next. etc., LAR, Winnipeg, Man.

 

December 23 – SHE ALWAYS HAS UP-TIME FOR ME-  It sounds cliched I know, but we were supposed to be "set free" by technology. We have been enslaved. The "friends' we accumulate on social networks are not  friends. They emphasize the unfortunate truth: we are really lonely. We crave the touch of something real - like your Gusta - and instead we get ersatz friendship  Just to see what would happen, I joined Facebook. I regularly get emails from people wanting to be my "friend." I have no idea who they are. Worse, they have no idea who I am. An entire generation held in thrall by their Ipods and Blackberries and IPhones are either hot-wired to music uninterrupted by reality, or hooked on a tiny screen with it's small shred of communication. No matter how often we text message, we are still alone. Facebook notwithstanding, we are prisoners. No one smells the roses anymore. They don't even know that there are roses, LS, Toronto, ON